"Happy Tuesday!"
Yesterday, I had posted a quote in my Sobriety Fitness group on Facebook and noticed someone commented as though they were a failure. It sadden my heart and I began to think,...and for those who know me when I begin to think look out! I thought about the times I had failed at a lot of things. I thought of how I felt. I thought about what this person may be feeling about them self. I thought about if this person is a newcomer. I thought later why I did not personal message them and ask why,...I even felt like a failure. I ask myself in times when I feel scared, unsure or fearful of what will happen if I try this or do this or not do any of it and just stay safe...will I fail? I sometimes fail!
I grew up in a family where I had two parents that at times would fight...I thought their marriage was too fail! I grew up where my two sisters seemed to do well in school and what they wanted to be,...I struggled in school and knew I was to be an artist someday but wasn't really sure of myself...I felt like a failure! I grew up where the teachers were not that supportive and more like I was a bother or frustration to them because I did not get things as quickly as the other kids...this allowed me to feel like a failure. My dad and mom were good parents but if I did something wrong I was for sure to know how wrong I did it,...this allowed me to feel like a failure. I felt like a failure growing up! I allowed failure to consume me!
When I was drinking I failed at sharing my feelings, my emotions in a proper way and my needs. When I was drinking I failed at really seeing me. When I was drinking I failed to do what was right or best for me. When I was drinking I avoided situations just so I wouldn't fail. When I was drinking I failed at trying. When I was drinking I failed at looking beyond my failures. When I was drinking failure was the norm. When I was drinking failure was easier to accept than having trust and faith in myself to do better, choose better and strive for better. When I was drinking I would just settle with the easiest way out. When I was drinking failure seemed to know me better than allowing success a chance. When I was a drinking I failed many times!
When I chose to become sober my failures seemed to lessen. When I chose to become sober my fears of failing at college, my job and my life became less. When I chose to become sober I needed to take my negative attitude and turn it into a positive,...regardless of the situation. When I chose to look upon my down falls, my character defects, my bad behavior or mistakes in a way to learn more about me and how I could better me,...I became a success. When I chose to study harder in college,...I became a success. When I chose to stay home with my kids and give up my career to start another I knew I was going to be a success! When I learned my son had Autism I looked at it in a positive and even blessed way. I have learned so much about myself through my son's Autism I can go on forever. When I started to work a program that helped me,
guided me and showed me that I was loved and was accepted no matter how far down I had gone I could still make a difference in my life as long as I am willing to face the truth within myself,...I was ready to face the truth! When I became sober I had to fight for my sanity, my peace, my understanding of me, my needs, my loves and mostly my success in life as a sober, yet full of life individual. When I chose to become sober my willingness to fight through my failures were unstoppable.
I have learned to know my boundaries, when to say no and how to react in order to not fail myself, my kids or others. My recovery today is a reminder that I am a success even if my day is challenging, overwhelming or just plain tiring,...I am still a success! When I chose to be willing to look at my failures I allow myself to learn more about me. I know today if I do not take my failures as a learning experience I can cause myself to relapse. I know today if I choose to act on or react on my failures I will not succeed as a happy, serene and loving individual. I know today that other people's failures are not my responsibilities,...I mind my own business! Today, I still fear the unknown and if I will fail but it is not nearly as profound as it was before I became sober,...I have more faith! Today, I still at times am not sure what to do with my Sobriety Fitness but I will not give up trying,...I have hope! Today, I still have those days where I struggle with decision but I pray on it and look for God's message,...I have a Higher Power of my understanding! Today, failure is always there as long as I allow it to consume me,...I have choices! I am ready to take on the world, take risks and mostly show all those who doubted me I can do it,...I am a success!
Do you struggle with failure? If so, try working on why you do and ask yourself how you can succeed today. Today, I will run with success in my heart and know that I am always striving to succeed in my life's well being.
Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.sobrietyfitness.com.
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