"Happy Sunday!"
When I drank I went to many parties! When the Holidays arrived there were many parties to attend. I was in my glory! When I drank the parties I attended were full of people who loved to drink, cause chaos and drama. When I went to parties I always had someone else drive because my intention was to get drunk! When I went to parties I never liked to leave unless we were on our way to go to another party. My motives were not pure, my thoughts were not pure but always joined the party! Can you relate?
The day that I chose to become sober I never knew the anxiety and fear I was to face when the Holidays would arrive. I never thought about the future engagements I would have to turn down or avoid in order to save my sobriety. I never knew how much work it was going to be in order to keep myself sober, honest and able to say NO! Geez!, I can not believe that I just realized how "in the moment" I was of my disease at that time and how the importance of me to get sober was greater than all my fears I would later have to face. I just had a "spiritual awakening!"
The day came when I had to endure all those mixed feelings. The day came when I had to deal with me, my addiction and all the toxic people, places and things that became such "triggers" for me. Should I still join the party? I was newly sober and it was Thanksgiving and even though my mom and dad never drank the thought of that Holiday feared me. I always remember going out the night before, the night of Thanksgiving and so forth. The Holidays, no matter which one it was, had such a grip on me! Were such a trigger for me! They were toxic for me! I feared them! Still, the thought would be in my head..."Should I still join the party?
Should I still join the party? No! Should I still join the party? Yes! Confused? Your probably saying to yourself, "What the heck is she talking about?" I say no if you are newly sober! I say yes if you are spiritually fit, mentally fit and your motives are pure. Now, for a new comer they may think they are all of these things but in reality they are not and usually it is the disease still talking to them! Heck, it took me 6 years to feel spiritually and mentally fit in my sobriety. I still do not engage in going to bars or parties that are filled with all the chaos, drama and toxic things I was accustomed too or rather, addicted too. Why would I, I have no reason too! On the other hand, I am not saying I would not go to a restaurant that has a bar,...I am talking about a bar that you may find down the street that ONLY engages in alcohol. Furthermore, if you do not have an issue with drinking but your partner does, understand that they may become crabby, short tempered or may even start a fight with you,...all because they just did not have the courage to say, "No!, I am not comfortable going to that party." I know for me when I was still in the disease, even though I was not drinking, I still did not want to admit to anything. I wanted to please other people or make it seem I was "fine!" I wasn't! I was setting myself up for a relapse, for another drink, for another chance at destroying me. I needed to learn to say, "NO!" Eventually, I did. Eventually, I started to work on me, in a more spiritual and mental way. Eventually, I became willing to let go of things that dragged me down. Eventually, I worked on so many things I was in denial with and that allowed me to understand my triggers, along with being honest with myself. Eventually, I began to see things clearly, without fear, anxiety or worry. Eventually, I stopped people pleasing and learned that pleasing me first will allow me to stay sober and true. Eventually, I was able to join the party!
Are you not sure if you should join a party or gathering, especially around the Holidays? If so, check your motives, be true to yourself and do not people please! Hopefully your Holiday will bring you many gifts in your recovery!
Today I will run knowing it took me a long time to join the party again. I do not beat myself up about it, I am proud of myself for having the willingness to work on me and only me!
Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.sobrietyfitness.com.
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