"Happy Sunday!"
Today, I thought I would express my opinion on recovery groups and programs. Today, I would like to share with you my experience with it all. Today, I wish we could all get along, respect one another, not judge and mind our own business when it comes to one's recovery.
When I was using I really never thought too much about recovery. When I was using I didn't think much about anyone except for me, myself and I. When I was drunk I would most likely open my mouth, act obnoxious and sometimes become intimidating to others. When I was drunk and even if I wasn't my way was the way and if you thought differently I cast you out. When I was drinking I was all about getting my point across without letting others express their own. When I was drinking I never hung around those that did not think like me, felt like me or saw things like me. When I was drinking I was programmed into thinking my way or the highway! When I was drinking I was programmed to think only one way. When I was drinking I was programmed not to be open minded. When I was drinking I was programmed to think without respect, acceptance and love in my heart. When I was using I was programmed to listen to only my rules of how things should be and how people should be. The disease, the addiction, the choice whatever you see it as, programmed me to think and feel the way I did when I was using.
When I chose to get sober I chose a 12 Step PROGRAM. I chose the 12 step program because it was all I knew. I chose the 12 step program because it worked for so many and then again...it did not. I chose the 12 step program because it helped me stay sober and gave me tools to use in order to have a recovery today. I chose the 12 step program because I wanted to change, grow spiritually and understand me. I chose a 12 step program! However, I didn't realize it then that it was a "program" and a program consist of rules, regulations and a system...I was not programmed! Maybe at the time when I needed to stop drinking I needed that structure...I was lost! Maybe I just didn't realize it because I was so desperate for help that anything said or done in the meetings I would take literally...I was vulnerable! Maybe that is how I lived my life all the while and never noticed it...I was influenced easily! Maybe I was so willing to do anything that I forgot about what I thought was right for me, what was good for me and what my boundaries were for me. Whatever the reasons why I never took the time to rip the "PROGRAM" apart is the exact reasons why I am still sober today and my recovery is full of love, acceptance and open mindedness and many more things that gives my recovery such life, such motivation and such willingness. However, after being in a 12 step program for some time I had to decide what type of recovery I wanted. I wanted a recovery that was not dry, opinionated, controlling and self righteous...I saw many like this...I worked hard so I would not have that! I wanted a recovery that brought me grace, love and peace...I chose that. I wanted a recovery without judgement, criticism, resentment, anger and closed mindedness...I saw many like that...I worked hard so I would not have that! I wanted a recovery full of life, love, acceptance and gratitude...I chose that. I wanted a recovery without ego, overbearing ways and arrogant views...I saw many like that...I worked hard so I would not have that!
I did not choose to go to a 12 step program to preach to others. I did not choose to go to a 12 step program to act in the ways I did when I was drinking...without the drink. I did not choose to go to a 12 step program to distort or loose the soul purpose of why it was started and shared in the first place. I did not choose to go to a 12 step program to boost my ego and treat others as though they know nothing if they do not know the Big Book by heart. I did not choose to go to a 12 step program to judge, disrespect and criticize one's that are still struggling or simply do not agree with the 12 step program. I did not choose to go to a 12 step program to live programmed, codependent of the program and without my own opinion, feeling or need for myself in my life. I did not go to a 12 step program for others to tell me how to share, what to say, what not to say and how to make a living. I did not choose to go to a 12 step program to be told I am not allowed to share my blog because it is not "officially approved literature" of a 12 step program,...by the way...What? When I was told that by some individuals or groups I thought to myself, well then in that case none of us would be approved to say anything in a meeting...it makes no sense to me! I even had people belong to my Sobriety Fitness group on Facebook and leave it because it is not an all 12 step group, or someone said or gave their opinion on a different view of their recovery and POOF!,...gone! and mostly leave my group...because it is a mixed recovery group...again,...What? Aren't we suppose to learn about acceptance, love and respect of others regardless of how we feel, think or decide? Isn't that a pure recovery, a loving recovery and accepting recovery? Maybe I am wrong by others, but I am not wrong in how I feel and how I share, love and accept those of all recovery types. I am allowed as you all are too, to agree to disagree. It is when a finger is point, a nose is snubbed and controlling opinions turn others away without any reservations. I hope my love, kindness and acceptance of other people's recovery never turns anyone away...only those who are too programmed to see beyond others options, views and needs in recovery. I am not programmed!
Today, what type of recovery do you have? I really do not care as long as it works for you and you are happy. I will run today knowing I am free of being programmed and know the difference in my recovery today!
Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.sobrietyfitness.com.
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