"Happy Monday!"
As a young child, I listened to my parents, my teachers and those who were older and wiser to me. As a young child, I understood the importance in listening to my parents and the consequences that would follow if I did not. So then, when did that all change?
Growing up things changed in my listening department in my head. I began to have trouble concentrating and staying focused on what I wanted as to pose to what others wanted. As a teenager, I began to drink at the age of 13 and with that came a distorted thinking cycle in my head. As a teenager, I chose to listen to what I wanted to listen too and could care less for the rest. As a teenager, I became disrespectful to adults, my parents and to teachers. As a teenager listening meant only to simple things like for instance, throw a load of clothes in the washer, vacuum the living room and get to school on time. I kept listening only to the simple stuff! I kept listening as selective! I kept listening with the attitude, “Whatever!” I needed to listen! Can you relate? Do you know what I mean?
When my drinking progressed into a problem, my listening skills began to occupy my own thinking. I could be having a problem with something yet talk with a friend about it but no matter what they said, suggested or gave advice for me to do, I only listened to my head and how I thought it should be. This caused me more problems with my problem. If others thought I was drinking to much or acting out of control I would choose to listen to my denial because I feared too much of change. This caused me to drink more, thinking the problem of mine that I chose to deny would go away. My drinking just caused me more problems. When I would reach out for help or guidance most of the time it was for self pity, for self absorb victim mode, for I need attention and it really did not matter what you said because my motive was not to listen to you, it was for me to feel important and for me to be center of attention. When I drank my motive was not to listen to you or anybody it was for me to do what I wanted, use it as a pay off whether it was for attention, as a victim or to have fantasized control over my life. I never listened!
I chose to become sober and with that came the time to let go of “NOT” listening! That was hard! That was difficult! That was scary! On the other hand, that forced me to be accountable, responsible and really look at me! Listening, I think was the hardest skill to practice and even though I have been, sober for some time now, I still at times struggle in this department. What causes us not to listen? For me, it was the fact that I needed to be honest with my situation and myself. I needed to work through the maze of my denial in order to get to the other side to understand my issues I had in between the not listening that caused me not to listen. For instance, I denied I had a drinking problem for a long time before I had my bottom and became willing to surrender to sobriety. What caused me to deny my problem and not listen to others? The in between issues were my fears, insecurities, loosing my so called friends, not knowing how to live without my liquid courage, actually having to deal with me and why I drank. Not knowing how much or what I truly needed to change within the most challenging and myself was surrendering to others suggestions, help and letting go of my never ending need to control my emotions and feelings in order to seem as though I was fine to everyone. Wow! What a mouthful of issues! It was many issues but with a lot of use of my journal and working with others, outside therapy and lots of fellowship helped me to chip away the mountain of issues I held that caused me to labor over listening to the truth. I had to become willing not only to listen but also to listen outside of my mind. I refer this to my own control, my own thinking, my way or the highway attitude I carried for so long that assisted me in NOT listening to the truth of me or of others. When I became willing to do such a task, I open the doors to many opportunities in my recovery. By listening outside of my head allowed me to grow in my recovery, accept in my recovery, forgive in my recovery. My life changed when I learned how to listen unselfishly. My recovery became open minded, loving and mostly willing to grow in the most positive way. I wanted to listen! I need to listen! I grow when I listen!
Have you found yourself in the same rut, same addiction, same situation and same problem? Maybe when you complain to others, share with others or find you are still living an insane life you will become willing enough to listen outside of your head and allow others to help you, suggest to you and maybe even listen enough to want to change you or your situation! Many Blessings will come when you become willing to listen to the message!
Today, I will run and know I have come a long way when learning how to listen outside of my head. If I stay inside my head, I will never allow myself to grow, to be honest and mostly to recover to the best of my ability. Although, I may struggle with this at times I know and realize when I am doing it and know what I need to do in order to listen better!
Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.sobrietyfitness.com.
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