Diet & Weight Magazine
Written By: Cathy Shuba
“Happy Tuesday!”
When I was younger, all adults were right even if they were not. When I was a teen being right meant I was a know it all, pain in the rear and troubled. When I was a young adult, being right meant I enjoyed arguing. When I was drinking, being right was the only way to think, act and respond no matter whom I hurt or who was right in the situation. I always had the last word! Does this sound familiar with you, with others you live with or have a relationship with in your life?
Why is it soooooooooo important to be right? I will tell you why through my own experience and a lot of my own self-inventory. I had to be right because growing up I never was able to express how I felt. The need to be heard was more important than your feelings. I had to be in control of the situation even if I knew I had no control and what I really feared was fear itself. I acted in such a way because of my own low self-esteem. I acted in such a way because of the lack of self-confidence. I acted in such a way because of my ego and pride. When I was younger, I did not feel smart like the other kids. Growing up I thought I could mask this hurt by showing others I knew more than they know and reversed my thinking as though everyone was stupid and no longer me. Ironic, I hated when talked down to or demeaned by others and here I am doing it to others only because I was too proud to admit I was wrong. My distorted thinking enabled me to numb my feelings. When I drank, the alcohol helped me to keep doing and thinking the way I always thought, insane, unloving, not accepting and full of controlling ways. What was my payoff? My payoff was control, pride, ego, arrogance and full of self-righteous attitudes. I was living a no serene life. I was living in denial, when I thought I was living right. I was living with no willingness to change, to see myself for how I was or how I treated others. I needed to be right regardless of the consequence, hurt feelings and down right rude overbearing and obnoxious behavior I shared with others. I, was not kind, I thought I was right!
When I chose to become sober over 18 years ago, I chose to stop drinking. I chose to face my fears no matter how much I needed to cry, scream or write out my feelings. I chose to get outside help along with attending a recovery group. I chose to be willing to change no matter how much practice and accountability it would take in order to see it through and see myself as changed. My pain was more than the fear I once thought feared me enough to keep me living the dysfunctional life I always lived. My pain was more. My need to rid the pain was more. My pain motivated me enough to walk through the fear and when doing that I found that being right, was really about, what I feared. This may sound crazy to you, but whenever I felt the need to be right, have the last word or correct another, was my fear in how you may see me as stupid, incompetent and not worthy. Fear how you may try to change me. Fear how you may try to control me. It was more a coping mechanism than anything else was. I once thought it was pride, ego and control. Yes, it was control but pride and ego became not so true after awhile. I saw in myself more fear of things than pride and ego. I really needed to work on my spirituality more than ever. I needed to find faith, live faith and feel faith within me in order not to have that need of righteousness. It was hard but so rewarding. I was able to agree with disagreement, instead of arguing. I was able to learn how to listen to another instead of overbearing the conversation. I was able to let go and let God when I was struggling not to be right. I was able to find the compassion for another when I the same character defects I once held when the need to be right. I was able to learn how to accept another’s opinion without trying to convince them they were wrong and I was right. I was able to have more energy for more positive things in my life than be drowned by negative energy. There are so many things I was able to learn about myself, how to deal with my fear and mostly know that I have a choice to be kind rather than right. When I listen to another without raising my voice, I am kind. When I allow someone to state their opinion, I have a choice to engage in it or not this will allow me to be kinder to them and myself. I know how to say what I mean without being mean. I rather be kind than right!
Do you struggle with always having to be right? Chances are you fear more internal things than you think. I know I did! Buy a journal, start writing and find faith in God when things in your life seem unbalanced and controlled by your own control. Who knows you may find the need to be right, no longer needed!
Today, I will take a long walk and know how long I have come when it comes to being right. The days I may struggle with this, I know I can journal about what I may fear, call a friend and ask God for guidance. When I face my fear, I allow faith in my life!
