Written By: Cathy Shuba
"Happy Thursday!"
When I was growing up as a child, I never had a much of a voice. When I was growing up as a teen, my voice was heard when not bothered, not interrupted or I had done something wrong in order to be heard. When I was a young adult my voice was heard when I was drunk, hung over or if I had disappointed and angered you. My voice became controlling, self destructive, hurtful and down right inappropriate at times. My voice eventually defined who I was or who I have become. My voice was terrible! When I was growing up, my voice was only heard through negative behavior.
I chose to become sober in April of 1993 and with that I used my voice when only asked too or if I had a question about something I did not quite understand in recovery. I began to have a voice at the meetings I attended. I began to have a voice when I became willing to share my story to others. I began to learn about me, my likes, my dislikes, my concerns, my worries, my fear and mostly my resentments that caused me to have hidden anger within myself and with others. When I began to learn about all these thing about myself I was able to learn how to have a voice for myself. I learned I mattered in this world. I learned my worth. I learned about my self respect, how to gain self confidence and understood how important I was to others and to myself. Learning and actually knowing and believing in me allowed me to have a voice. I began to have a voice!
My voice went from negative to positive but with the help from others in recovery, outside therapy I chose to go too and from my unstoppable desire and willingness to have a voice for me! My voice has given me many gifts in my recovery and life itself. My voice has allowed me to say NO! My voice has allowed me to be an advocate for my autistic son without insecurities, fear and no desire to people please. My voice has allowed me freedom from resentment, anger and stuffed feelings. My voice has allowed me to stand up for my rights, my beliefs and my concerns without yelling, being mean or trying to control. My voice has allowed me to learn about my emotions, how to react properly and mostly how to deal with my emotions in a more productive way. My voice has become more than a voice, it has become my actions and my example with others in my life. My voice sings of love, acceptance and compassion. My voice has taken a very long time to be heard in a more appropriate manner and with that shows my dedication to myself, my recovery and my well being. My voice is courageous whenever I share my experience, strength and hope in my blog. My courage to share, to live the way I do today is all about my voice and who and how people see me today. My voice my not sing like my cousin Erin's voice, but I have a voice! Would you like to listen to my voice?
Do you have trouble having your own voice in your life? Do you live with someone who tries to keep you quiet, in denial or controlled? If so, know that you do have a voice and that it takes time, effort and lots of work on your part for your voice to be heard. Nothing is impossible only if you think that way things will always remain impossible. Fight for your voice, have your voice and soon you will be free to share your voice!
Today, I will do yoga and and take in all those years I stuffed, people pleased and resented my inability to speak out. I will remind myself if I shall fall back into that negative behavior that I matter and so does my voice! My voice will be heard as long as it is positive, inspiring and mostly out of love! I have a voice!
