Diet & Weight Magazine

Recovery: Dealing with Someone Who Still Uses!

By Sobrfit3
Written By:  Cathy Shuba
"Happy Sunday!"
Did you ever experience someone who was not sober?  Did you ever experience someone who claims they are sober but their behavior is the same, as if they were still drinking or using?  Did you ever experience someone who "secretly" uses and claims they did not, yet they have rages, lie, constantly defensive and cover things up?  Did you ever experience someone who promises they will get help only after they have been caught using or had to face a consequence?  Do you still deal with someone who still uses?
When I drank and did other things I never cared how it was affecting me or others around me.  When I drank I could not stop at one drink,...let alone sip on a drink all night long.  When I drank alcohol it was like I had ran 6 miles without anything to drink and my thirst for something was not water but for alcohol.  The constant crave of alcohol.  The constant thirst for alcohol.  The constant need to numb me!  I would chug alcohol.  I would order two beers at a time and others would look at me and say, "Hey, thanks for buying me a drink", my reply would be,"This isn't for you this is for me!"  They did not understand my need to drink.  I did not understand their need to control me, babysit me and mother me!  I needed to drink, I wanted to drink and NO one was going to stop me!  No rehab, no fancy counselor, no magical words, no friend of any program...no matter how honest or some still feel the "brutal" honesty would change me, no manipulation, no bribery and especially no friend or family member would have the "power" to get me sober!  NO ONE!  God could not even stop me, what made them think that they could stop me!  The real truth of the matter was, I would never get sober unless I really wanted too!  Really willing too!  Really had to face my own consequences!  Really had no one enable me to continue the life I thought was the only way to live!
All the words I would say to you that you wanted to hear...I would say, all those lies I would say and all my manipulating tactics were just ways to get you off my back and for me too still live the life I was living...I LOVED enablers!  Enablers to me, was another way of saying..."keep drinking and drugging the way your doing,...I'll still be here to pick up all "your" pieces when you fall or screw up, you'll still have a place to stay, I'll still give you money when you fall short or spend it all, I'll make a phone call to such and such and get you out of jail, I'll pay for your bail, I'll come pick you up at the police station, I'll buy you some food and the list could go on!"  Any of this sound familiar?  I knew who the enablers were and I knew just how to get them to let me continue to do my insanity dance!  I loved enablers!  It wasn't until I was in the company of people who would not enable me that made it difficult for me to use the way I always freely did.  It was not until the company of those who stopped enabling me that I was forced to change, get help and face up to my problem.  it wasn't until my consequences were left for me to face, rather than having someone else fix it, change it or make it better for me.  It wasn't until the enabling stop that I got sober!
Today, I am sober and I came into the program willing to face what I needed to face.  Scared, yes!  Nervous, yes!  Anxious, yes!  My willingness was greater than any of the feelings that would had stopped me from getting help!  I was willing,...period!  On the other hand, I was not forced by law or intervention.  I do know some, who were forced and only months later saw them back out again.  From my experience, I knew I was ready to get help, to let go and to want a different life!  I was tired of being sick and tired!
How do I deal with those still using?  I do not enable, I do not babysit, I do not mother and I certainly do not try to control or change them into something I am expecting them to be.  I go to Al-Anon meetings.  I have learned to be more humble, have more compassion and it helps me to see how I once thought, once used and once treated others when I used.  I no longer take it personally,...sometimes!  I no longer blame myself if someone goes back out.  I no longer carry high expectations on someone who still uses,...sometimes!  I no longer believe every word they say, every story they tell and every rationalization they try to do in order to gain my approval,...sometimes!  I see them for what they are, what they choose to be and concentrate on my own choices in order to better my life and my situation.  Those,..."sometimes" are areas at which I still struggle with at times, but it is not as nearly as much as it was when I was first sober or not even sober at all!  On the other hand, I have seen and sponsored others who say they are sober but their words and actions show signs of anger, resentment and frustration.  I pray for them to find peace in their life.  Some find peace in their sobriety and some never do!  I am only responsible for my own recovery, my life and my children's.  My life is not perfect and I can fall back into that enabling and believing mode of a user.  The difference is that I can catch myself and stop when I need to stop and change what I need to change before it gets out of hand.  I have good days and then I have challenging days,...and that's alright, it helps me to see me the way I truly need too, in order to make me better.  If you live or know of someone who is still using just remember you have choices today.  Go to Al-anon!  Make a list of things that bother you about your situation!  Figure out what you can change in your life!  Pray!  Say, NO!  Make your own choices to better you!  Before you know it you'll be able to deal with someone who still uses!
Do you know of someone who still uses or are you living with someone who still uses?  If so, try one of my suggestions above and see if it helps you.  I will run today knowing that no matter how challenging my situation can be I always have "CHOICES!"  I will choose to run today!     
 
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Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.sobrietyfitness.com.
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