Diet & Weight Magazine

Compassion: How I Found the Compassion for the Alcoholic Or Addict!

By Sobrfit3
Written By:  Cathy Shuba
 "Happy Friday!"
Compassion, I feel, is often overlooked, not applied or simply misunderstood.  Compassion is one of those words that people often become angry with, frustrated with and resentful with.  Compassion is nothing more than understanding, accepting what it is and detaching with love.  Compassion is hard at times.  Compassion is confusing at times.  Compassion is what I needed to find in my life when working with others, living with others and loving others.  Compassion is freeing!
When I was drinking I did not have much compassion.  When I was drinking I told you how you should be, what you should do and what you should not tolerate in your life.  When I was drinking I did not show much compassion.  When I was drinking if you aggravated me by a problem or situation you were in or trying to deal with I would either change the subject, make an excuse in order for me to leave or simply just stand there with a discussed look on my face,...I think you got the picture of how that looked.  When I was drinking I did not want to have compassion.  I did not want to understand compassion.  I did not want to feel compassion!
I was 5 years sober and sponsoring 4 girls at the same time.  I sometimes felt overwhelmed by their constant questions, constant calling and mostly their constant codependent ways.  I know what your thinking, "Geez!, you sound like a B**ch!"  Am I right?  OK, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself but I think we have all experienced the overload of sponsoring at one time in our sobriety lives.  If not, blessings to you!  Anyways, I was just coming out of my dry drunk syndrome shell and I had gone to a meeting where a person was giving their lead.  It was one of those 4 hour leads that never seem to end,...again remember I was still in my dry drunk mindset at the time and that led me to have the attitude as though I knew everything!  By the end of his lead he started to talk about Compassion and how important it is to have in our recovery as well as in our life.  I thought for a moment and said, "OK, this is gotta be good",...I continued to listen and he explained that with compassion comes understanding, love, serenity, hope, faith, guidance, acceptance and the ability to become willing to listen no matter how hard it is.  I thought to myself and said, "I hope he is going to explain more because I still do not get it."  He continued to explain why his lead was so long and why he struggles to stay on topic, focus and get his words out in an organized fashion.  I sat there and realized I suffered from the same thing.  I feel the same as he.  I understood him.  I wanted to know more about his condition.  He explained how he had suffered with A.D.D.(known as, Attention Deficit Disorder), all his life until he became diagnosed, helped and guided as to how to better his days, his recovery and mostly his life.  I felt a connection with him.  I was not positive I had this but I truly felt his pain and struggles the same as I had always experienced it.  I felt something but was not sure exactly what it was!  Later, realized, I began too have compassion!  To feel compassion!  To want to understand compassion!  To want to always have compassion!
Finally, I was diagnosed with A.D.D. but not until my son was diagnosed with Autism.  It took several years after that lead for me to get diagnosed.  I figured at the time when I learned about A.D.D. I would just accept and research more about it.  I never knew how much compassion was going to give me, bless me and teach me in my life, until I married my husband and had my son, who is autistic.  My daughter, on the other hand, struggles with anxiety and panic disorder.  It is heredity to have such conditions and it is also treatable.  Bio-feedback is what I chose for both my kids when dealing with anxiety.  It is natural, great coping skills and very soothing.  I, have found compassion in my life.  God has blessed me with the understanding of compassion by the people he has given me in my life today.  I no longer need to roll my eyes when someone is still struggling with their addiction,...I now, just stay calm and listen to them.  I no longer have to be so angry at people who just do not listen to me,...I choose to accept them for who they are and what they are only capable of doing in their life.  I no longer feel the need to control others or try to give false threats in order to get them to do what I want them to do,...I choose to make my own choices in the matter and only change things for me and not have any expectations as to whether they will change or not for me.  Compassion has allowed me to work, share and help other with a healthy balance.  Compassion has allowed me to detach with love without being a doormat.  Compassion has allowed me to not be so hard on myself and realize I have set backs too, misunderstanding and that I am only here for progress and not perfection.  Compassion has become a wonderful, spiritual and mental tool in my life.  I am humble with compassion.  I am happy with compassion.  I have compassion!
Do you struggle with compassion?  If so, try to feel your weakness or misfortune with others that may be going through the same thing.  Before you know it, you will begin to have compassion.
Today, I will take a long, peaceful and full of gratitude walk and realize how far I have come to have compassion in my life.
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Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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