Witnessing the Self

by Beth

The Watcher by Clarence Holbrook Carter*

Recently while talking to a good friend of mine I said something about the importance of listening to the body and the mind. My friend asked me how to do that. Good question! In order to answer her, I first needed to find and examine an example or two from my own life.In this post I sometimes refer to the body and the mind separately but according to yogis and theoretical physicists, they are one and the same as in “body/mind.” So I use the terms “body” and “mind” when I talk about me as an individual, and “body/mind” when referring to the witnessing process from a philosophical viewpoint.Example #1: When the Body and Mind are in AlignmentI refer to this AHA! moment as “The Volcano Incident.” Many years ago, my then 9-year old stepson was enrolled in a summer enrichment camp at the university where I worked. One afternoon at 3:45 p.m. eastern standard US time, he bounded into my office to wait for his father who was scheduled to pick him up at 4:00 p.m. At 3:50 p.m. his father called to say he was delayed at work and wouldn’t be able to come. I called his mother. She wasn’t able to pick him up either. I was scheduled to manage a professional meeting at an off-campus location at 4:30 p.m. I was stuck, frustrated, and angry. At 4:15 p.m. I drove to the meeting location with my stepson. I kept a careful lid on my anger. I did not want him to know what I was feeling. Getting him upset would not help the situation. I pulled up to a stop sign and waited to make a left hand turn. Then, in a nano-second flash, my anger went system-wide. Physically, it felt like a volcano spewing boiling red lava in my belly. I noticed my breath. It was shallow and stuck in my chest. Energetically I felt heavy, tight, and constricted. Mentally, of course, I was seething.What was curious is that suddenly I was aware of all of this from an altered perspective. AHA! It was amazing. Body, breath, energy, and mind were all experiencing the same emotion with different effects but all at the same time. I must have experienced this before but I had never been really present and aware of it while it was happening. The act of witnessing was like being in the eye of a hurricane. It calmed me and I was able to watch my anger settle on its own. At the meeting site, I occupied my stepson with a book and successfully managed my meeting.The Witness is that aspect of ourselves that brings awareness to what we think, feel, believe and do, and the habits and patterns that inform why we think, feel, believe, and do. The Witness is the agent of awareness, acceptance, integration, and perhaps change. (See Working with the Witness). Sometimes the Witness shows up unsolicited as in my “Volcano Incident.” Sometimes we need to consciously invoke the Witness, especially when we are getting mixed messages from the body and mind as this next example illustrates.Example #2: When the Body and the Mind Send Mixed MessagesI start out most days with a mental or written “‘to do” list. My yoga practice is not on the list because that’s part of my daily routine, like eating breakfast and brushing my teeth. The goal for the list is to check every item as ‘done’ before evening arrives. One recent morning, I had five items on my list:

1. Exercise class
2. Make a deposit at the bank
3. Pick up new sunglasses 
4. Buy sheets and a non-stick sauté pan
5. Stop at Trader Joe’s for groceries

I picked up the sunglasses and was on the way to buy sheets and a non-stick sauté pan, when my body sent a clear message that lunchtime had come and gone and it wanted food. I listened and stopped to get a small salad and half a sandwich. While I ate, my mind was planning the best timing and route to take to complete the final items on my list. My body was sending signals that my next activity should be to head home and rest. The mind really wanted to finish the list and was thinking that it could dig deep, pull the energy needed from the body, and push through to the goal of “done.” The body simply refused to get up from the chair. How interesting! I paused and tuned in to the saying, “Don’t just do something, sit there!” So I invoked the Witness and sat there. After a few minutes of silent internal focus and listening, the body’s message won. I headed home. When I was younger the mind won most of these mixed message moments and the body followed, sometimes reluctantly and sometimes striking back with headaches, colds, and digestive problems. These days as the aging process moves forward, the body wins more often than not and the mind follows, sometimes reluctantly but more and more often with calm acceptance.Our body/mind sends us messages all the time. The mind may use language but the body speaks with feeling and sensation. If we know how to listen and interpret the messages we can do a better job of living a wise and balanced life. Recognizing and engaging with the Witness is an important tool to create that conscious awareness.If you are looking for a yoga tool to help you begin or deepen your ability to recognize and engage the Witness, try Yoga Nidra, Yoga Nidra is a systematic method to bring about physical mental and emotional conscious relaxation, and encourage self-awareness. My friend is still waiting for an answer to her question so I’m going to send her a copy of this post.Subscribe to Yoga for Healthy Aging by Email ° Follow Yoga for Healthy Aging on Facebook ° Join this site with Google Friend Connect