Health Magazine

What It Potentially Means to Be Married to an Addict?

By Finallygrowingup @mordechaikashuk


What it Potentially Means to be Married to an Addict?What does it mean to be abused verbally, or even physically everyday by someone who you know truly loves you, when not high?

What does it mean to live with someone who has horrible mood swings, on a nearly constant basis?

What does it mean to have no money, ever?

What does it mean to never be secure of your or your children’s welfare?

Thank G-d I have never been married to an addict.  I have, however, had the opportunity of knowing and working with people who have been.  First, generally speaking, people who are addicted and married are statistically not drug addicts.  The addicted partner may be a food addict, or a gambling addict, but generally not drugs. Why? again, because people are generally past that period in their lives prior to saying “I do”.

Addiction is addiction however, and is absolutely as destructive whether it is drug addiction or exercise addiction.  It destroys the family just as quickly if the spouse is working 18 hours a day and never sees their family because they are a work addict, or if they spend the same amount of time per day at the gym.

Addiction is addiction.  It is an “equal opportunity destroyer”.  I have seen crack cocaine take the most “well-heeled” person, and turn them into a street rat with-in a month. I have personally witnessed methamphetamine nearly destroy a marriage, and nearly take a life (Mine).

There are people who understand exactly what it is that you are going through. Other addicts, who have found a way to stay clean and sober, therapists who used to be addicts, doctors who were as well. I do not exaggerate, these people know precisely, at any given moment, exactly how you feel, and can help you and your spouse to move through, and eventually past, the craziness, that is currently your life.

And as much as a holistic network of therapists, doctors, trained friends and family members can go a VERY long way toward assisting the addict, there is a group that I recommend equally as whole-heartedly for the non addicted spouse. It is a program called Al-Anon. This is a 12 Step Group. But as much the addicted spouse needs an extended support system that truly understands what they are going through, so does the sober one.

As wonderful as Al-Anon is, it does, of course have its negative points, as does every recovery and support program.  Everyone is in everyone else’s business constantly, people ride in on their high horses (no pun intended) on a regular basis. Etc. Still, all in all, it is a superb program, where the family members of an addict can find genuine, qualified help.

What the non-addicted spouse learns primarily in Al-Anon is they have no control over the addicted spouse.  But that also, while the spouse is in active addiction, the addicted spouse basically loses all rights as a parent in all decision making when it comes to the children, finances, etc, until they are sober, and prove that they can stay that way.

So what it means to be married to an addict is incredibly complex. It is frightening, it is utterly unsure, insecure, and unstable.  However, after all is said and done, the proper help is received on both ends, and in a utopic situation, the addict gets and stays sober, and the couple remains married.

Their marriage can be one of the richest, most rewarding relationships that either has ever experienced. When both have gone so deeply into one another’s psyches, and learned each other so well, often not only do they wind up a wonderfully happy married couple, but a couple of best friends as well.

Thanks,

Mordechai


You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • Authenticity

    Authenticity

    Raising four young children in a large farmhouse has it’s benefits and some downfalls. My downfall is that there are so many closets. Read more

    The 20 May 2018 by   Rachel Rachelhagg
    FAMILY, PARENTING
  • 7 Beauty Hacks That Every Girl Should Know

    If you think staying beautiful takes a lot of effort, then you need to read these beauty hacks and tricks. All it takes to look some simple Beauty Hacks and if... Read more

    The 20 May 2018 by   Tapang786
    LIFESTYLE
  • The Church Ain't The Kingdom

    Church Ain't Kingdom

    Previously: The Most Important Mission Of The Modern Mormon Church Among the many things we Mormons have been getting wrong about our own religion is this idea... Read more

    The 20 May 2018 by   Rockwaterman
    SOCIETY, SPIRITUALITY
  • Notes on Jake ~ 7 Months Old

    Notes Jake Months

    We've had Jake a little over a month now and I can't even remember what life was like without him. He has made himself such a part of our lives and belongs so... Read more

    The 20 May 2018 by   Hikingwithheather
    OUTDOORS, TREK
  • Why They're Furious About Bishop Michael Curry: Worldwide Platform to Proclaim...

    Stepped into the hallway of my Chicago hotel this morning for a moment during the #RoyalWedding and through the closed doors of every single room I could hear... Read more

    The 20 May 2018 by   William Lindsey
    LGBTQ, RELIGION, SOCIETY
  • The Wedding

    I listened to the Royal Wedding (Harry and Meghan, obviously) on the drive to Glasgow yesterday. Marvellous. The soporific opening belied what was to follow:... Read more

    The 20 May 2018 by   Nicholas Baines
    RELIGION, SOCIETY, SPIRITUALITY
  • Entrepreneurs Can Capitalize On The New Gig Economy

    Entrepreneurs Capitalize Economy

    The era of stable lifetime jobs for business professionals within a single company are gone. Companies are rightsized quickly now as markets change rapidly,... Read more

    The 20 May 2018 by   Martin Zwilling
    BUSINESS, CAREER

Magazines