Fire at Night by Francisco Goya
In my last post Understanding and Dealing with Anger I wrote about anger as one of our core human emotions and offered some yoga techniques for understanding and managing our anger states. In this post, I’d like to offer a few thoughts on the relationship of anger to another core human emotion: fear. Fear is an uncomfortable feeling that results from something we recognize or perceive as a danger or a threat. If, for example, the fear results from being mugged, physically assaulted, or getting lost in a storm on Mt. Everest, the danger and threat are recognized as very real. If the danger is not real, it’s perceived. Anodea Judith, in her book on the chakras Creating on Purpose describes perceived fear as a False Event Appearing Real.Anger and fear can exist in us at the same time as a result of the same experience. One way to get a sense of how this can work is to take a look at the flight-or-fight stress response. In Joseph and Lilian LePage’s yoga therapist training handout "Yoga and the Emotions" they break down the fight-or-flight response to show how anger can relate to “fight” and fear to “flight”:
Fight/Anger Flight/Fear
Irritated/Annoyed Confused/Insecure
Frustrated Anxious
Angry Frightened
Hateful Panicky
Rageful Petrified
For example, in a short-term stress experience like having your car suddenly break down on the highway, the reaction, at least for me was clear and direct. First came frustration, irritation, and annoyance as in, “Oh, (fill in your favorite swear word). Why now! I don’t need this headache. This (fill in your next favorite one or two swear words) car!” Close on the heels of this reaction, came insecurity, anxiety, and fear as in, “No one will help me. I’m alone. How am I going to get out of this? It’s probably going to cost a lot of money (fill in your favorite string of swear words).” Of course, it all worked out. I walked off the next exit, found a gas station, had my car towed and a broken fan belt replaced. Once everything was taken care of, I quickly returned to a calm and balanced state. This was a stress “event” that got fixed.
The reaction can be vastly different if the stress experience is a False Event Appearing Real, based on a long-term, deeper fear pattern that is compounded and masked by anger. For example, I’ve inherited a strong belief from the women in my family that independence and personal financial responsibility are important and if you are going to be in relationship with others, adhering to agreed upon commitments, especially around money, is non-negotiable. So, of course, I’ve been tested on that many times and in many ways. One of the most memorable was in my second marriage. We’d agreed on how our finances would be handled but my husband frequently and consistently broke the rules. This led to discussions, which led to arguments, which led to a final angry outburst, in which I suddenly connected my anger to a deep-seated fear of financial failure which would end with me being broke, helpless and dependent, a False Event that Appeared all too Real. Only after recognizing that my anger was masking that fear was I able to set financial boundaries for myself, which eased my anger and my fear of not being in control of my own well-being. This was one of those never-ending, stress-pattern stories that had repeated itself over and over until I finally faced it, traced it, and replaced it with self-awareness and a healthy behavioral response.
Many who work in the mental health field recognize the concept of emotional masking in which one emotion can cover, or “mask” another. Dr. Deborah Khoshaba, who holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology with a specialization in the area of Health Psychology and is the author of the article “Masks of Anger: The Fears That Your Anger May Be Hiding,”writes:
“The more comfortable you get with your fears, the less apt you will be to express them through anger. Many people respond to fear with anger, because human beings don’t like being exposed or open to being harmed and shamed.”
It’s natural to want to stop stirring our stress/anger/fear stew when we feel it, but the feelings are, in reality, a natural emotional reaction to what the mind and imagination are doing. So instead of isolation, denial, or re-acting out, we can turn to our yoga practice for healthy ways to respond. For one way, see Baxter and Nina’s post Coming into Balance: How Stress and Relaxation Work Together).
Another helpful technique is working the Witness (vijnanamayakosha), one of the five levels (or bodies) of being human (Working with the Witness 2/24/16). The importance of using yoga to balance and integrate the koshas is implicit in Iyengar’s words from Light on Life:
“It is essential for the follower of the yoga journey to understand the need for integration and balance in the kosa. For example, the mental and intellectual bodies (manomaya and vijnanamaya kosa) must function effectively in order for us to observe, analyze and reflect what is happening in the physical and energetic bodies (anamaya and pranamaya kosa) and make adjustments.”
This can be done in the middle of a stress event or a never-ending stress-pattern story. All it takes is awareness that the anger/fear stew is beginning to boil and that you have the ability to move the Witness through body, breath, and mind to lower the boil to a simmer. It can be easiest to start with the physical body but this exercise can be done in any order. For example:
Physical Body: What is my body feeling? Are my muscles tight? Is my gut wrenched? Are my shoulders hunched? Are my fists clenched? Is my heart beating faster?
Breath-Energy Body: How am I breathing? Fast? Slow? Is my breath stuck? Am I feeling heavy, leaden or suddenly drained and exhausted?
Mental-Emotional Body: Am I angry? Fearful? A bit of each? What are the thoughts racing through my mind at this moment? Are they boiling or tumbling? Is this an event that can be fixed or a never-ending story based on a deeper mental-emotional issue?
Maybe it’s age and maybe it’s my yoga practice but I know that a lot of my anger/fear-based reactions are slower to rise and easier to resolve. I’m much more able to recognize the anger/fear stew in its early stages. Using the Witness to turn anger/fear experiences into an opportunity for self-awareness is a strong yoga practice. Through it we can learn to tell the difference between an anger/fear stress event that can be fixed and forgotten and a never-ending stress pattern story that needs to be faced, traced, and replaced.
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