"Happy Thursday!"
When I was first sober I was scared. When I was first sober I did not know what to do or say. When I was first sober I sat in the back of the meetings and basically said nothing. When I was first sober I started to take notes in my little notebook. When I was first sober I needed a sponsor. When I was first sober I was told to get a sponsor, any sponsor to help me stay sober and learn the program. I thought to myself..."Who?" I was told that without a sponsor I would eventually get drunk. I thought to myself..."Why?" I was told that a sponsor should be someone you can relate too and feel safe with. I thought to myself..."How?" I was told by some to just pick anyone for the time being just as long as I have someone to turn too. I thought to myself..."Easier said than done!" I needed a sponsor but who, why and how was what I needed to figure out. Some thought I was crazy for not having a sponsor after 6 months of sobriety. I thought differently! Some thought it was natural to take my time. I thought that was a safe way to go. Some thought my sobriety was never going to last. I thought differently! Some thought I was not working the program because I did not have a sponsor. I thought differently! So, how did I eventually pick my sponsor? First, when I came to meetings...and I mean I went to a meeting almost every night and sometimes twice in a day if it was on the weekend. I would take notes as I had mentioned before. I took notes about the program. I took notes about the steps. I wrote people's names down that interest me or helped me find a solution to my problem or situation I was experiencing at that moment. I wrote down names of people that inspired me, shared the same drinking log and worked a great program. I wrote stars next to their names every time I felt that I wanted to have what they had in their sobriety. Secondly, I wrote down my own goals as well as to what type of life, sobriety and well being I wanted to have for myself when or during my journey in recovery. I wrote down a list of things I wanted in my life. I wrote down a list of things I did not want in my life. Lastly, I learned a lot about myself just by listing things and really working on me and my sobriety. The day came and I picked my sponsor. My sponsor was inspiring to me. My sponsor was kind, sincere, gentle, compassionate, trustworthy, honest, accountable, responsible and mostly straight to the point type attitude with no time for silliness or head games. She had everything I lacked in my life but I knew I wanted to gain that back and accomplish all those wonderful character traits I once had as a child. I knew she was the one, because she made me feel motivated to stay sober and alive. My sponsor was never controlling, bullied or took advantage of my naive matter that all of us so often had when coming to a 12 Step program for the first time. I made sure I chose a sponsor within my first year of sobriety. I made sure when I chose my sponsor she was not my friend but only a friend of the program. I made sure when I chose my sponsor she was a woman. For example; woman with women and men with men. I made sure when I chose my sponsor I was true to myself and what I really wanted out of my sobriety. I wanted my sobriety to give me more than my sobriety. I wanted a life. I wanted to look in the mirror and see myself as someone I love, respect and mostly tolerate. Today, I sponsor with the intent to be there when I can, accept the individual for where they are in their lives, understand one another limitations and boundaries and mostly the chance to share my experience, strength and hope. I do not sponsor with expectations, control or the chance to preach and stroke my ego. Today, do you have a sponsor? If not, maybe you can try some of my suggestions in order to find one. Today, I will exercise knowing I have a sponsor for the right reasons and not just to have one. I have a sponsor!
