"Happy Monday!"
Saturday night I had attended my cousin's graduation party. Saturday night I had visited with lots of relatives and friends that I truly love and at times miss seeing. Saturday night I learned that my cousin's daughter, who was not at the party, tried to commit suicide a week ago. Saturday night, I learned how secrets truly keep you sick. Saturday night, I realized how much abandonment my younger cousin, who tried to commit suicide has endured throughout her life. I pray for my cousin, Cindy.
My cousin's family is built around rage, depression, secrets, isolation, abandonment, alcoholism and drug addiction. My cousin has been affected by it all. My cousin has had no help with it at all. My cousin's Uncle and his wife are the only one's there to help, pick-up the pieces, protect and try to fix what is broken. How do you help? How do you fix? How do you mend such an innocent heart? Their answer is unanswered! Their answer is with a shrug of a shoulder with no response! Their answer is frustrating. Their answer is sad. Their answer is fearful. Their answer is uncertain. My answer is prayer! My answer is Al-Anon!
Cindy is only 17 years old with a father who has been in and out of prison since she was born. He is a drunk and drug addict and knows how to play the system just before he is to be drug tested, in order to stay out of prison. True addict at it's best. I will pray for him. Cindy also, abuses drugs and alcohol. I will pray for her. Cindy, I believe is bi-polar with no direction, support or guidance. I will pray for her. Cindy's mother has other kids from other men and has never been married. I will pray for her. Cindy has been left many times at my Aunt and Uncle's, which are Cindy's grandparents. Cindy's grandparents are also full blown alcoholic's with no sense in the matter. I will pray for them. Cindy's Uncle and Aunt are the only one's who are there for her. It is hard, frustrating and very disturbing for both of them to have to deal with all of this. Furthermore, my cousin who is Cindy's Uncle came to me to just listen. I did! My cousin came to me not for me to judge. I did not judge! My cousin came to me because he is concerned and mostly is overwhelmed by it all. My cousin also came to my mom and told her what happened. My cousin spoke the truth! My cousin came to me and said he will speak the truth no matter what and not deny it. My cousin did not deny it! I said nothing about Al-Anon. I did not mention it because I did not want to come off preaching and my cousin and his wife are both aware of the program but choose not to go! I minded my own business...I just said a prayer for him and his wife!
I thought about all of this and said to myself, "I did not cause it, I can not cure it and I can not control it!" It is a sad situation for the whole family! The disease is cunning, baffling and powerful! The disease affects the whole family. Cindy, herself has been told several times by doctors that she needs professional help for her depression and has refused to go. I feel that Cindy has more than the disease of alcoholism and drug issues. She is a girl who has been lost for a very long time and can not find her way back. Cindy has chosen alcohol and drugs to deal. Cindy has chosen not to get help. Cindy has a depression problem on top of drugs and alcohol. Cindy has been abandoned many times. Cindy tried suicide instead of recovery. Cindy will not listen to no one. There is no one out there big enough, strong enough or powerful enough to stop her from stopping! The truth is, Cindy has to choose to stop! Cindy has to choose to get help! Cindy must become willing enough to have recovery. Cindy must choose recovery or suicide. I pray for Cindy! Please pray for Cindy!
Do you struggle with someone who is still abusing drugs and alcohol? Do you know of someone who has tried suicide? If so, what did you do to help? How did it help? Today, I will run with Cindy in my heart and know that she is a reminder to me what drugs and alcohol can do to you. Choosing not to get help or recovery is the result of attempting suicide. I will run free and live happy in my recovery and realize it is alright to ask for help, go get help and welcome help when I need it regardless of how long I have been in recovery!
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