Health Magazine

Sobriety: Flashback of My Drinking Days!

By Sobrfit3
Written By:  Cathy Shuba
"Happy Sunday!"
Today I wanted to talk about "Flashbacks."  Are you wondering what I am talking about?  Last night my husband and I took our two kids to see the Cleveland Indian's game.  The Cleveland Indians were playing against the Toronto Blue Jays.  My kids have never experienced a real live Indian's baseball game.  My kids have never seen the Progressive field.  My kids never seen such a rowdy group of people.  My kids never seen anyone drunk before.  My kids never seen or experienced adults fighting.  When I continue to type this I am sure you already have in mind what type of night we truly had.
Saturday night came and we arrived at the Cleveland Indian's Progressive field.  My kids were so excited to see the game.  My kids could not wait to experience the game.  My husband and I felt the same way.  When we approached our seats we were happy to know they were good seats.  The kids were able to see the field good and experience everything up close.  The game began.  Four other people arrived and sat behind us.  The game continued.  The people behind us appeared very loud, obnoxious and drunk.  The game went into extra innings.  The people behind us went into extra drinks, swearing and doing obscene noises and gestures.  The game ended.  The people behind us just began.  The one woman that was sitting behind us was very loud, rowdy and looking for drama.  Her husband at the time who was drinking just as much as she followed along and then it came the opportunity to start a fight with the opposing team visitors.  My kids stood there with complete terror and my son who is Autistic could not move from where he was sitting.  I screamed out for someone, "Please get a cop!"  The ironic one moved they all stayed drawn to the drama.  I was trapped with my two kids and my husband was trying to protect us by trying to break up the fight.  Now, for those of you who know the famous wrestler John Cena....well let's just say my husband looks exactly like him...even his face.  These people were so intoxicated that they did not even feel threatened by my husband.  Finally, my husband broke up the fight and the Toronto fans, who were just as drunk even more than the people behind us, were arrested and the people behind us were escorted out of the ball field.  We then were able to watch the fireworks in peace.  The fireworks behind us ended!
When I was drinking I loved drama...this was my flashback!  When I was drinking seeing a fight, starting a fight and joining in on a fight was part of the excitement...this was my flashback!  When I was drinking I was like that girl that was sitting behind us...this was my flashback!  When I was drinking I never cared who was affected by my drinking...this was my flashback!  In other words, flashbacks for me are when I see others who are drunk, obnoxious and unruly which then allows me to put things in perspective for me in my life today.  Although you could look at our night as being terrible, annoying or just unfair...I seem to look at as a gift.  A gift of gratitude knowing how far I have come and what type of person I have become.  I said many prayers for them last night as I sat there.  My daughter also told me she had said some prayers for them too.  My son looked at me and said..."Geez, mom I am so glad you do not drink anymore!"  The ironic thing about this whole situation is that my husband never experienced my disease actively.  My kids never experienced me drunk, either.  The situation seemed to have let my family, mostly my kids, see what I could become if I drank again.  However, I am not sure my husband sees it that way for he never really cares to hear or know how I am doing when I am having a so, so day.  I can never expect my husband to understand or appreciate all I have done for myself in staying sober.  How can I...he never experienced me drunk before to realize what he really has.  It would be nice to hear it at times or at least have him interested in my life but it is really not realistic.  The reality is, I am happy for myself.  I got sober because of myself.  I am sober today because I wanted it, I was willing to have it and I did it for me.
I welcome flashbacks with a positive insight.  I explain to my kids how we must pray for those still sick and suffering and that there is always hope for them.  I must never judge or criticize those who are still struggling with their addiction because if I was to do that I then would be a hypocrite.  I looked at my flashbacks last night as away to have gratitude for myself.  I never look at things as being bad...just challenges.  Lastly, the Cleveland Indian's ended up loosing but my attitude towards the night did not.  I was able to look at our situation as a learning experience for all of us.  I won last night by being there for my kids and myself.  I won last night knowing I am still sober but yet can still have compassion for those who are still struggling with their addiction.  My attitude towards my life is hopeful, strong, willing, brave and mostly full of love and faith.  Today, do you ever have flashbacks of your old self?  If so, how do you look at it?  Is it positive or negative?
Today, I will run with gratitude in my heart and welcome flashbacks in order to learn, grow and accept things in my life today!...
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Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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