Recovery: What Recovery Means to Me!

"Happy Thursday!" When I was drinking all I thought about was how I was going to recover the next day after excessive drinking the night or two before.  When I was drinking I would wonder how I was going to recover the next day or the next time I was to see someone after hurting, embarrassing or disappointing I knew, loved or cared about.  When I was drinking my recovery consisted of drinking more, lying more, manipulating more, rationalizing more, denying more, don't tell me what to do attitude more and most importantly recovering from the dishonest and disgusting life I was living. When I decided to get sober I had only two options AA or death.  I decided on AA.  I decided AA because it was the only program out there that I knew people had gone too and had become sober...well at least some had become sober!  I started my journey in AA.  When I became willing to stop drinking I came to AA to learn how to stop drinking.  When I chose to change my OWN life I chose a sponsor, got phone numbers, shared my story, did service from making coffee to becoming secretary at my home group and mostly gave of myself whenever I could in order for me to get out of myself and help someone else.  When I recovered from the urges, cravings and desire to drink by the grace of God, I knew I had a life of recovery ahead of me.  I knew and understood that in order for me to keep the urges, cravings and desire to drink away daily, my recovery was to be done seriously, committed, willing and honest in everything I do and say in my life and in order to be accountable and responsible in all my actions and words.  My recovery means everything to me.  It is what helps me look at myself in the mirror everyday.   It is what keeps me sober. For several years I have gone to AA and then eventually went to Al-Anon.  Both Programs were fantastic in what I needed to get sober.  However, in my opinion AA is not the only program out there.  AA is not the end all destination when trying to get sober.  I have learned and have met many who do not go to AA and live a spiritual, mental and physically healthy thinking life.  I allow myself to be open to there opinions, insights and enthusiasm of there way of staying sober.  I think it is fascinating knowing that it is OK to go outside the box and learn more, be more and share more with others without changing them to think that AA and the Big Book are the only way...that to me "sounds" like a cult!  I am NOT saying AA is a cult but when people act and respond to others in that way it is as though it is.  In other words, when I hear or see this at meetings or even on the internet...to me it sounds like an opinion with motives of control and fear of change.  I did not come to AA to live a life of insecure ways about my recovery.  I saw it happen!  I did not want that in my recovery.  I wanted to be secure as to how I feel about my recovery without defending it and saying or coming off as if my way is the only way.  I wanted to learn about the Big Book.  I did not want to be a preacher of the Big Book.  I saw it happen!  I wanted to read and learn about the Big Book and then live my life with it in my spirit without Big Book thumping every person that gave a different opinion or feeling about how they understood it.  I saw it happen!  I understood and still learn about the Big Book.  I wanted a recovery in spirit.  I have a recovery in Spirit.  I did not want to judge those or push those to believe in something they do not believe in even though I felt a God in my life   I saw it happen!  I learned about atheists.  I accepted and loved atheists.  My recovery includes accepting all individuals with or without a belief in God.  Looking for the message of hope and inspiration in them and learning something great about recovery and myself.  I learned a lot about people and myself in my recovery!  I did not want to become a sponsor of others with control, ego and self indulgent motives.  I saw it happen!  My recovery allows me to sponsor with acceptance, understanding, detachment with love, no expectations and with boundaries.  My recovery allows me to sponsor with self love.  I wanted a recovery that did not teach me passive aggressive behavior when I felt uncomfortable with a situation, in disagreement, criticize someones feelings, correct their feelings or experience in order to pat myself on my back or come up as a one up on you attitude.  I saw it happen!  My recovery is honest and pure.  When I saw these negative behaviors happen I knew why this gave AA a bad reputation to some and understood why I had seen so many leave the program and go somewhere else.  Yes, there are other programs besides 12 step programs.  It is whether we practice or chose to practice "Principles over Personalities!" in order to go on with our recovery.  On the other hand, I chose to stick with the winners in my 12 step programs, which I choose to call them in my life,...all those AA and non-AA that taught me all the wonderful things about sobriety and my life and what I could be when I chose an honest recovery.  Furthermore, and most importantly, it does not matter what program it is as long as it works for you.  I have an honest recovery.  I am secure about my recovery.  I do not need to defend my recovery to anyone.  I am proud of my recovery.  I respect my recovery and other recovery's as well.  I love all types of recovery even though I work the 12 Step program.  I am open to other programs.  I am happy in my recovery.  I love my recovery!  Do you love you in your recovery?  If so, what do you do in your recovery to give you such a positive outlook on yourself?  Today, I will run knowing I am self confident in my recovery! Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Based on a work at www.sobrietyfitness.com. Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://www.sobrietyfitness.com.