"Happy Friday!"
What is justification? Why do I at times feel as though I need to justify myself? Is it for acceptance? Is it for people pleasing? Is it for someone to trust or believe what I am truly saying or need? Is it to deny something I refuse to deal with? Is it because I feel unsure of myself of a decision I made or perhaps said something I later regretted? I think it means everything above!
...So let's look at the definition:
Justification:
–noun
1.
a reason, fact, circumstance, or explanation that justifies or defends: His insulting you was ample justification for you to leave the party. 2.
an act of justifying: The painter's justification of his failure to finish on time didn't impress me. 3.
the state of being justified. -Dictionary.com
When I was drinking I justified my behavior, thoughts, feelings and everything above. I justified why I felt a certain way...to get my way! I justified my behavior to help me deny more of what it really was. I justified my thoughts in order to manipulate others. I justified my drinking and sometimes drugging in order to keep doing what I was truly was addicted too. I justified in order to make myself feel better. I justified in order to not allow myself to deal with myself. I justified my opinions in order to look as though I knew what I was talking about. I justified myself! I was not sober! I was not true to myself! I was not living my life rather someone else life or what people wanted me to be. I was out of control! My motives were not pure, not honest and mostly selfish! I needed to justify myself in order to feel accepted. I needed to justify myself in order to people please others and by doing this I thought it would..."keep the peace!" I used justification!When I chose to become sober...I chose to change! When I became sober I chose to stop drinking and any other mind altering substances. I have seen individuals stop drinking and then continue to smoke pot and still claim they are sober. When I would question them as to why they continue to do such a thing?...it begins with their...JUSTIFICATION! The response would be...JUSTIFICATION! My response back would be...SILENCE and to detach with love! In my opinion, this is NOT sobriety! This is denial! This is justification! Today, I do not need to justify my thoughts, feelings and behavior. I do not even need to justify my beliefs with another human being that refuses to think that doing pot or any other drug is...OK! I am secure with my thoughts, my recovery, my love for myself and mostly can accept and recognize when someone is justifying their behavior. I know that I was like that at one time in my life and that I can only say a prayer for them! I can only, not judge them, but see what they refuse to see and have gratitude in my own recovery. To know I have no control over it only my own recovery. To know I have choices today and that I can deal with them regardless of the outcome without justifying my decision. Lastly, when I catch myself justifying my thoughts, feelings or behavior it is another way of me saying to myself....I do not want to deal with myself! Today, I have the choice to turn it around and look at myself and mostly deal with it, be responsible and confront whatever it is to help see myself better. I "NO" longer feel the need to justify myself! At times, do you find yourself justifying your behavior, thoughts or feelings? If so, try to figure out what you deny in yourself and make a choice to better your life and self worth. Today, I will run without justifying why I need to run today or any other day and know that running or any form of exercise is good for me.
Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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