Clarity – clearness of thought – is not a simple task to achieve. In fact, it’s generally one of the most difficult points to come to because it requires a combination of lots of leg work, research and planning, along with having the ability to look at the bigger picture. It also requires us often to switch off our incessant thinking and understand what it is that we truly want, from a place of love – not competition, or fear.
When it comes to decision making, often we can put off making the decision or avoid it entirely because we find it impossible to come to a point of clarity about it.
Here’s some of the ways I’m learning to think through new tasks and make decisions before I either jump right into them (which is definitely in my character to do!), or put them off indefinitely (which leads to your life being the result of other people’s decisions).
Work on your values
Values are developed over time; they’re not something we’re born with and the values we are taught from our family, friends and teachers when we are young are often in direct conflict with the values we actually want to take into the world as adults.
For example, I was told when I was young that being obedient and not talking back equalled being a ‘good girl’. As an adult, yes, we all have to play by the rules and sometimes it’s best to be silent, but forging your own path and speaking up about what is important to you is actually far more useful and constructive. I now value courage and decision making over being a ‘good girl’.
Although sometimes intangible, values can be best thought of in terms of ‘what you value’. So, ask yourself, what do you value in life? Every decision that you make should be in line with your values. Not those that you were taught growing up, and not those that you think should be the correct values, but the values that you know in your heart you find important.
I value family, friends, health, and my own peace and spirituality. In contrast with my most important values, at the beginning of my career I pursued career advancement and money as two of my most important values. This created a discontinuity with how I lived my life, and how I wanted to live my life. I thought that those things were of primary importance and that the rest would just sort themselves out. I came to realize that they don’t just sort themselves out – we have to place value on them, first and foremost, in order to live how we actually want to live.
Knowing what your values are provides a clarity of thought which you can take into every decision making process. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t pursue career advancement and money; it just means that you should keep your values primarily in your mind when making any decision. This will most certainly impact the outcome.
Why it’s a good idea to take emotions out of the decision
This can be confusing, as it sounds as though I’m saying you should make decisions from your mind. The heart is the best, and only, place from which to make good decisions for yourself. However, we are often led astray by our emotions, which are usually fear-based. What if I can’t do it? What if I fail? Others are doing it better than me. I will never be as good as X. I’m just chasing dreams which will never work out for me. Does this internal dialog sound familiar? Sometimes, they can be positive emotions but they are likely to have the same result. I am better than X, so of course I’ll do well at that – I should just keep going with what I’m doing and see where it leads me.
The problem with listening to the incessant thoughts – which are based on your emotions at any given moment – is that they won’t always lead you to the place where you actually want to be.
As an example, I recently read about a woman in the US who, at the age of 44, had been an extremely successful international digital editor, traveled a lot, and could purchase pretty much anything money can buy – including people to buy her groceries and run her personal life. Then, she was diagnosed with three tumours in her throat which could have been cancerous and had to be operated on. It wasn’t cancerous, thank goodness, but during that time she realised that she was entirely squashing her creative drive. She really wanted to be a photographer and writer, and yet she was doing something that was entirely unaligned with her values. She was living the wrong life for her, driven by money, her own competitiveness and also the fact that she was very good at what she did (sounds familiar, right?). However, it wasn’t good for her and this transpired into an illness. It wasn’t until then that she realised she had to turn her life around, and she did. She became a photographer and started her own website; but to do that, she had to sacrifice a regular (and large) pay cheque, move cities and even swallow her pride to become an intern as a photographer again. However, the end result? She’s much happier, and is living the life that is right for her. It’s never too late!
Also, it’s worth mentioning that living in alignment doesn’t need to change what you do for a living – as long as they can live side by side together.
How to put your emotions aside to gain clarity
Being able to step away from your emotions is extremely difficult and it is an ongoing, life-long journey. I certainly haven’t achieved it yet, but as we acknowledge it, so the journey begins.
The best ways I’ve found are as follows:
- Meditation. This is the process of being able to witness your thoughts rather than take part in them, and eventually, you will be able to slow the thoughts down and selectively allow thoughts that will serve you to enter your mind. Most of our thoughts are about the past or the future. Meditation provides a foundation for you to live in the present moment; something that you can then take into your day-to-day life.
- Picture your emotions as an energy field. Give them a color and a consistency – like a blue, fuzzy, spiky ball of energy (because that’s what they are, essentially – just energy). Now, picture the energy ball moving outside of yourself and place it onto a shelf, where you can witness it as something separate to who you truly are. This energy, these emotions, don’t control you.
Now that you have some space, with the clear thought that you will only do in life what you love, think about the process that you will need to go through to do whatever it is that you are trying to decide on. You will probably need to do some research and leg work around this first – talk to people that have been there and done that, or just search the topic on the internet. Learn from others’ journeys before you dive in. Think about what sacrifices you will have to take, what you will need to reprioritise, and what your life will look like if you decide to go ahead or not.
Finally, does this align with your values? Will you be able to live a life in which your values are placed first and foremost, or will you have to sacrifice what you care about most?
Sometimes you have to go on the journey first in order to figure out what you really want, but it helps to consider your options and really think things through before going in blindly. Clarity of thought is not just about looking at where you’re going – it’s about taking into account all of the factors surrounding the situation so that you can be in a better place to ensure your own happiness and wellbeing in the long run. It takes courage to say yes, but sometimes even more courage is required to say no and to forge forward on a path that is right – or ‘right-er’ – for you.
How do you go about making decisions?
