"Happy Monday!"
When I was younger I was the "middle" child! When I was younger my two sisters talked over me...actually everyone did, not many really listen to me and quite frankly I was happy just playing by myself. I was a tomboy, ready to play ball or any sport imaginable and I hated to play with dolls and wear dresses...I was the tomboy in the family! When I was younger I was taught to stuff my feelings! When I was younger I stuffed my feelings well with always a smile on my face as if nothing was wrong. When I was younger I learned the words"fine" as though it was the word "hi!" When I was younger I stuffed my feelings! When being a teenager the tomboy mindset was still there but not as obvious. When I was a teenager wearing dresses did not seem as hard to do or want to do. When I was a teenager I still loved all types of sports especially running. My stuffed feelings as a child grew into running from the cops(which they never could catch me...!), running from my feelings and mostly, running from me! When I was a teenager I stuffed my feelings, plus some. When I became a college student the stuffed feelings became problems for me. When I was in college my stuffed feelings caused me to become numb, unavailable and unconcerned for my well being or state of mind. When I was in college my stuffed feelings became distorted on how I really felt, thought and made decisions in my life. In other words, the all so familiar way of "reacting" to everything. The all so familiar way of "silence" to please another or to make them think they did not get to me when in reality I was dying inside! The all so familiar way of fighting...not with words but with my fists! The all so familiar way of always feeling angry, resentful and mean. The list can go on and so I decided to feel. When I decided to feel, I decided to get help. When I decided to feel, I got sober. When I decided to feel, I did something about my life and situations in my life. When I decided to feel, I had to learn how to feel because all those years of stuffing my feelings caused me to be confused as to what I was truly feeling. When I decided to feel, I began to heal. When I decided to feel, I learned how to react in a more productive way than yelling, accusing, preaching and controlling. When I decided to feel, I became honest with myself, my well being, my serenity, my own self worth and respect and mostly love for myself. When I decided to feel, I learned that the act of "people pleasing" is another way of stuffing my feelings. I had to learn that "No!" is a complete sentence and that guilt of saying such a word is just the long process of accepting a new positive way of thinking for myself. Today, it is still a process at times as to whether I should say my feelings or not. Maybe it will always be but the difference is I know how to speak my feelings, share my feelings and not stuff them 24/7. The answer as to whether we should stuff our feelings or not in my opinion, never! I learned how stuffing my feelings hurt me. I learned how stuffing my feelings confused me. I learned how stuffing my feelings controlled every true part of me and caused me to be someone I really was not. Stuffing my feelings made me a angry, resentful and mean person. Today, I chose to get help for my stuffed feelings. Today, I do not stuff my feelings regardless of the situation I know the proper time and how to express how "I" feel. I must be true to myself! I love myself! Today, do you stuff your feelings? If so, try to get some help in dealing with those feelings...go to a meeting, call a friend, allow God in your life or seek counseling...it is better to feel, than not to feel! Today, I will exercise my right to feel as I do and to share my feelings appropriately in order to be true to myself!
