Hello All,
Look, people are people. Everyone has problems, and everyone has issues of some sort. We have no more real control over others then we do over, say, a rock. We may exert control through money, power, out-ranking them in a certain capacity, but truly this is merely perceived power, and nothing more.
If the other person were to decide to pick up and go, there is really, in most case, nothing that we could legally do to stop them. What physically restrain them to stay at their workplace? I doubt it. On most days any of us is extremely fortunate to have control over the space between our own ears, let alone anyone else’s.
If it is a relationship or a friendship we have a choice. We can either stay, if the friend or other is important enough in our minds and lives to do so, or we can choose to remove ourselves from their world, and thereby remove ourselves from whatever stress or aggravation that situation is causing for us. We are our own decision makers, we choose what we want to be involved in, what career path we want to follow, and HOPEFULLY get employed in!
If I made a friend 5 years ago, in Tel Aviv, who I have made every effort to contact, know is well, and not so insanely busy that they truly do not have the time to pick up a phone, then I can understand that, and keep it a “se each other when we can” type of friendship. Conversely, if I try to contact that person regularly, know that they are not so busy, but for what ever reason are just choosing not to communicate, AND it is causing me dismay, I may choose to disassociate myself from that person, for what is the point of maintaining that friendship? Simple so that I can SAY that so and so is my friend? They are clearly not, or they would be making an equal effort to contact me.
I have a friend, for example, who partakes of religious studies in the morning, from 7:00 am until 11:00 am, then goes to study for his tour guide license until 2:30 pm, and then goes to work a 3-midnight shift, 6 days a week, oh yes AND he and his wife also have a relatively new-born baby. And he STILL calls!!! This man, is my best friend, and has several perfectly legitimate reasons NOT to call, and for that to be 100% understood, yes he STILL calls every few days or once a week, to make sure that everything is ok, and I do the same with him. This, THIS, is friendship! This is a relationship! To WANT to get together, honestly, and discuss it during each phone call, even though we know that it is not likely to happen until something gives in his life. But nevertheless still WANTING to get together, still making time to get together.
I have always said, that there is no one to busy to pick up a phone for literally 10 seconds and at the very least say hello, I miss you, sorry I’ve been so busy, gotta run, let’s talk soon. However, if anyone is close to being to busy, it is this man, and yet he STILL somehow, makes the time to call! Again, THIS is a friend! And it is the same with any relationship. Any relationship that adds more stress, or anxiety to my life, I choose to cut out, why, because that is my decision. I do not need to consult with anyone about it, though I do often consult with my wife, because she is the second most important person in my life after my son. There is an old saying, “You can’t choose your family” and this is true, undoubtedly. However, you can choose where or not it is worth maintaining a relationship with a family member. Remember relationships, good, healthy relationships are all reciprocal in some way. Joy may be exchanged, or funny stories, or a co-experience, but there is always something. If I choose to end a family relationship, than that is my choice. I do not need to consult with the other person, though I so.
I always have informed others, and have it all in emails, or in the memory of another who was by my side during a conversation, that I did tell the other party that I was no longer interested in pursuing, a non-existent or hardly existent relationship with them. But nonetheless, if that relationship has not been reciprocal up to that point, why should I feel any obligation, to make a co-decision with the other about ending the relationship? Now it should become reciprocal? I think not.
I have a life, a very cozy lovely little life, which s quiet, with my wife and my son, and anyone else who cares to be an ACTIVE part of it. I choose my life today, I own the decisions that I make, and therefore am very careful to walk within the lines. I once lived a very different life, a life that I was NOT in control of in any way. A life where I let substances be in control. Today, I choose to make my own decisions, of my accord. Because I control my self, there is no more need to someone else to take the reins. I am an extremely pragmatic person, (for better or worse, Ayn Rand affected my life tremendously, as she did millions of others:) I see things for how they are at a very core level, and make decisions based on fact and practical information. I weigh them out, and if something, anything; an item that I own, a person that I know, is not needed any longer, or acting like as a practical person, then I do not waste the precious time that Hashem has given me, having saved my life so very many times, on them.
When someone on Facebook for instance (I closed my account a couple of days ago by the way) were to keep spouting off inanities, what would I do? The same as anyone else, either block them, or remove them as a friend completely. Facebook is a simulation of life. In my real life however, it is essentially the same. If we were not supposed to have the right, or decision-making ability to stop a futile relationship, then Facebook would not give us the choice to, and certainly, neither would Hashem have endowed us with the ability to.
I hope that all who read this have a wonderful and productive day,
Sincerely,
M
