"Happy Thursday!"
Today I thought I would talk about control. Control can be cunning, baffling and powerful. Control can be miserable! Control can be paralyzing. Control can be miserable. Control can cause anger, frustration and mostly unrealistic expectations. Control can be me,...at times! Control can be me,...when I do not stop and listen. Control can be me,...when I choose to do it my way! Control can be me,...when I allow myself to think things would be better if people, places and things would just simply listen to me! Control can be me,...when I do not allow myself to come first, to take care of me, to do what I enjoy and mostly when I forget about me...period! Control can be controlling if I allow myself to live in that way. Too respond in that way. Too react in that way! I can be controlling!
Living in the reality of control is owning it, admitting to it and changing what I can in order not to live in such a negative state. Living in the reality of it can also be positive, as well. Positive in knowing I have the control as to whether I choose to treat someone with love and respect. Positive in knowing when to say "NO!" and leave at that. Positive in knowing I have control as to whether I choose to be willing to learn, grow and respond to others in the most appropriate way when living in my recovery! Positive in knowing that control only has me if I allow it, deny it and become irresponsible of it. I will not use control in a negative form in order to feel important, accepted and powerful. I will not be controlling!
When I was using control, it was one of the most powerful tools I used in order to live on a daily basis. I needed control to feel in control! I needed control to feel acknowledged! I needed control to feel alive! I needed control to show who was the boss! I needed control in order to feel present! I needed control to show you up! I needed control to feel important, smart and mostly unable to break down my walls that I often carried around me! I was controlled by control!
Today, I am sober, happy and free! I recognize control when I am starting to control...for instance,...when I begin to repeat myself to someone about doing something or changing something....CONTROL! Today, I know when to stop myself and even laugh about it when I catch myself. It is so freeing knowing I do not have to depend on that tool in order to get through my day. I am happy knowing that I have achieved the ability to own up to it and not hide behind manipulation, guilt and anger. Today, I have no need to control and if I do then I know something is wrong with me. I do not have to use control!
Do you struggle with control? Do you think you are controlling? If so, try working on why your need to control others is so important and what is your "pay off" in doing so. Today, I will run knowing I have no control on outside issues only my own. I will run with peace!
Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.sobrietyfitness.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://www.sobrietyfitness.com.
