Bad news, do we share them or not? Is there an absolute need to?
For as long as I can remember, I have always had this habit. I tell people bad things that I hear. Of course, I do know that there is enough bad news going around this world. Do we really need anymore? Probably not. However, my intentions are only good.
Like when my mum told me about her friend having to go for a rather severe dental operation to "pull" her upper gums back down because she had been brushing her teeth way too hard upwards, causing her gums to recede over time. I was 16, I remember, and took it upon myself to let my close friends and family know that story. My intentions? Certainly not to enjoy the look of disgust upon their faces when I tell them. My intentions were purely to inform the people I love in the hope of a minimized risk of the same thing happening to them.
Or when I heard another random story of someone's aunt being blinded by a magpie that had flown in through her window. I too took it upon myself to tell my loved ones.
Or how one of my best friends still jokes to this day that every time she used to reach for her favourite cup noodles when we were 16, I'd make sure I remind her: "Did you know that cup noodles are really really unhealthy? etc etc etc"
Do I eat them? Sure, all the time. But for some reason, I just felt the need to let my girlfriend know because WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T KNOW????!! I CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN TO HER!!!
Most times, I just receive looks of disgust or puzzlement. Once again though, my intentions are only ever pure.
I have no idea where this habit stemmed from. Perhaps it stems from a certain thread of anxiety that has always been within me (I have always been a typical Type A, anxious personality). I worry about bad things happening to my loved ones. Not so much now. Heaps more when I was younger.
Through the years though, I have learned to self-censor a little. Is it truly necessary? To shout bad news from atop the roof despite the best of intentions? I have realised as I grew older that there is enough bad stuff in this world. Maybe sometimes, I should just ponder over the absolute necessity and hold my tongue if it is not all that necessary or urgent. After all, who really is that keen to hear bad stories? (Certainly not my husband. He doesn't even want to hear bad entertainment news like who's broken up with who or whose who just died.)
Recently, I have had to make the choice again.
In 2007, my good friend passed away in a motorbike accident. He was a friend I had known since I was 13 and since my parents knew him too, I told them the bad news and attended his funeral with them.
At his funeral, I remember how devastated his mother was. She could not compose herself; neither would she believe that it was an accident on my friend's part. I remember her yelling and mumbling amidst her cries, asking him to tell her who did this to him.
Fast forward to 2012, I just received news yesterday that his mum has just passed away.
I don't know why but my first instinct was to let my mother know. My mother never knew her personally but I am certain she would remember this distraught lady trying to come to terms with possibly the worst thing to have ever happened in her life.
I deliberated for a long time.
I deliberated all through the night (partly also grieving, thinking about my friend's mother and all she has been through these last few years).
I deliberated through my dreams (I had sorrowful funeral dreams all night).
And I decided to hold my tongue.
I would have told my mother if it was her friend and if she knew her personally.
But since she didn't, and since it is just really sad news that would sadden anyone, I decided not to tell.
Trust me, it is difficult to hold my tongue.
I guess I have come to realise that despite the good intentions I bear, not all bad news have to be shared. There is enough bad news circulating all around. I do not (always) have to be a conveyer of bad news, good intentions or not.
Just a reflective post that probably does not fit in very well with this blog so far but oh it is my personal blog of my journey and this is exactly where and why blogging bears the meaning that it does to my life.
Tell your loved ones that you love them, for life is fragile and only short.
#Linking up for IBOT with Essentially Jess
