"Happy Monday!"
When I was drinking I was proud of how many drinks I could handle. When I was drinking I was proud to think I needed no one. When I was drinking I was proud that I never asked anyone for help. When I was drinking I was proud that I could party all night and still make it into work on time, pay my bills and feel as though I had it all under control. I had false pride!
When I went to my first AA meeting I chose to go to a midnight meeting in hopes that no one would recognize me. I felt embarrassed. When I first attended meetings I sat in the back of the room and said little to nothing. I felt as if I was a failure. When I had a problem I still held it in and chose not to share. I felt weak. Months went by and I eventually got a sponsor, shared at meetings and helped out whenever someone needed me. I began to have faith and hope. Years went by and I gave many leads and shared many stories and listen to others as well. I began to allow myself to listen, grow and mostly learn about myself, my needs, my wants. This allowed me to understand things or people I do not want in my life...as I call them toxic people, places and things. I began to have self worth! I began to trust myself in my decisions and limits with things in my life and when doing so, this allowed me to find a balance. I began to see the gray area so clearly. I began to have clarity! I began not to struggle with things as I once did. I began to know me! I began not to depend on others as I once did. I depended on me, myself and I. I began to see myself as important, loving, caring and mostly honest with all who were in my life. I began to love me!
My pride in myself today is so different as to how I looked at myself when I was using. My pride is humble! My pride is loving, unselfish and pure! I am proud of myself that I have a loving, understanding and accepting recovery. I am proud of myself in knowing I am a good, responsible and a dedicated mom to my children. I am proud of myself on being a good wife. I am proud of myself for being a good friend and family member. I am proud of myself when I say "NO" and feel no need to explain myself, rationalize or justify my reasons in saying so. I can say NO! I am proud of myself for no longer being a door mat to other people's issues. I am proud of myself for standing up for my rights, beliefs and how I feel at times. I respect myself! I am proud of myself knowing that it is alright to ask for help when I need it and actually asking for it. I can ask for HELP! However, I am human and my pride sometimes can be negative, but I am alright with that. I am not suppose to be perfect rather progress to something that can be better than a week ago, a month ago or even a year ago! I no longer beat myself up! I am proud of myself for choosing to become sober, true and full of love. I am sober today! I am proud of myself knowing I have a great attitude on life no matter what. I am proud of myself no matter what!
Today, are you proud of yourself? If so, name some things that make you feel that way about yourself! Today, I will run knowing how proud I am that I can be and do anything I set my mind too. I am proud to be me!
Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.sobrietyfitness.com.
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