Forgiveness.
We have that saying so many times, about how forgiveness is really a gift to yourself and a form of freedom for yourself. Not so much for the supposed perpetrator.
Or how about this one?
Yes, yes. I get that. I agree with that. Sounds all fine and dandy. Makes heaps of sense. Sounds all beautiful and makes-your-spirits-soar kind of thing.
Problem is: What if the issue here isn't about Forgiveness?
Wrong party, wrong door, wrong channel!
What if Forgiveness isn't relevant to the crux of the issue?
In the last week, I have heard this phrase a dozen times over: Amazing, spiritual advice specially crafted for me - "But why don't you just forgive?" Granted, it is very sound advice.
However, it almost always makes me scratch my head in confusion and exasperation. Having that piece of advice thrown to me is essentially implying that I am bearing some form of unforgiveness. That makes me scratch my head because I do not think there is any issue of unforgiveness in the picture.
When a person has been hurt, I believe your mind can sometimes build up barriers of protection.
It's like your mind is warning you and protecting you, saying: "Beware. This source has caused hurt, discomfort and negative emotions. Just beware because you don't want to feel the same way again."
Sure, you may have forgiven. But that doesn't mean you automatically feel neutral and safe right away once again. I think one has the right to still be cautious. I think it is possible to have forgiven and remain reasonably cautious still.
Don't we all have a right to protect ourselves? Even if it be a mere feeble attempt?
Don't we all try?
I think sometimes, it isn't a matter of forgiveness. How about other factors? Maybe damage, trauma, hurt. Trying to deal with aftermaths. Struggling to make sense of situations.
It would be good if people could consider other ingredients in the blend before they hand out glorious advice about situations they barely understand.
I probably shouldn't but I almost get offended by the implication that I am bearing unforgiveness when I think it's a whole different matter.
So bear with me and pardon me if I don't have my party hat out right away. And remember, if I don't put on my party hat and party with ya, it doesn't automatically mean there is unforgiveness. And before blanket coating it all as a matter of unforgiveness, maybe consider that there are other factors in the mix.
Has anyone here felt the same way - being misunderstood for being unforgiving when you are really just coping with aftermaths? Or am I really just masking the ugliness of unforgiveness as something that appears a little prettier? Am I even making sense? hah!
Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT as usual :)
