I don’t know if it’s the season or because I was running longer distances but I have been feeling really fluffy and puffy lately. When the holidays roll around I feel like something switches in my brain and it says, “It’s okay to eat more! Go ahead, eat those cookies.” It’s a constant battle between the angel and the devil on my shoulders. Obviously, the devil is the one telling me to go ahead and indulge ALL THE TIME. And then the angel makes me feel guilty for what I’ve eaten and tells me, “Great, now you’re fat. Good job!” Back and forth. Back and forth. On a daily basis. And then when I run longer distances, I use it as an excuse to carb load. You would think I’d lose weight when I run more but the complete opposite happens for me. (I feel slimmer and stronger when I lift more.)
I’ve been complaining to my fiancé about how puffy I’ve been feeling lately. Of course, he tells me I’m beautiful and I haven’t gained any weight. But he has to say that, right? Because I had doubts about his compliments I took some photos of myself first thing in the morning. I thought the photos would prove my point. Why did I feel the need to prove that I had gained weight? So I'd shape up and resist all the seasonal goodies.
After looking through the photos of myself I thought I didn’t look that bad. I was talking to my accountability buddy. I told her that I need to focus. We’re both engaged so she totally understands where I’m coming from. She said every time she wants to eat something she shouldn’t she tells herself out loud that she will NOT regret her weddings pictures. I love that! And I’m totally stealing that from her. This time next year I’ll be married and I’ll hopefully be in the best shape of my life. But I need to learn to resist all the carbs and cookies. (I should specify – bad carbs. I will definitely keep healthy carbs in my diet.)
I sent my accountability buddy the two photos below of myself. I came across them recently and I think I look really great! These photos were taken nearly two years ago, right after I met my fiancé. I was about ten pounds lighter then. My accountability buddy asked me what size jeans I was wearing back then. This made me laugh because I realized I am wearing the exact same jeans I was back then. I honestly don't think I've bought new jeans since I met my fiancé. In fact, I still wear the gray t-shirt I am wearing in the photos below and I still wear the same capris to work out in. Obviously those ten pounds didn’t do much to my body because I’m still wearing all the same clothes as back then.
I guess what I came to realize, like I have so many times before, is that we are our own worst critics. I remember when I first lost weight I would always grab larger sizes at the stores. I’d go into the dressing room and realize I needed a smaller one. Obviously we don’t see ourselves the way others do. I really need to stop being so hard on myself. We all do.
