Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
It has been....I don't know something like 25 years since my last confession. So here goes.
I value my husband. I do, don't get me wrong. But sometimes he is such a brutal critic that he forces me, not only to reflect, but also to severely doubt myself. I wouldn't actually call this a negative quality so much as a very important part of his character, that makes me grow, change and evaluate everything in my life. At the same time he is a big supporter of my blog.....and of ME, lest we forget that for 3 years I've essentially been a housewife and stay at home mom!
But now the time has come and I need to make money between the hours of 9 am and 3 pm, not an easy feat in Italy!
He WANTS me to blog and be a blogger, just not at the expense of a day job salary, not at the expense of my household and family responsibilities and not if it means that I'm dragging him around every weekend asking him to take my picture!!
I can't blame him! Do you know how annoying it is to go somewhere and as soon as you arrive your wife asks you "can you take my picture for the blog near this tree....don't forget the shoes...and the bag...oh that didn't turn out, can we take another?". Meanwhile you're hungry, your three year old has started a tantrum and you already wish you were back in the car heading home! My next post could easily be called "Blogging - It's a Kill-Joy!"
This weekend we had a talk about the blog, because I am officially going through a crisis. Here's the deal, I'm the most disorganized, random, self-depreciating person that I know. I don't actually understand how thousands of people read this blog every month, why they keep coming back and why they even care! According to my horoscope (because, YES, I'm also one of those people who religiously follows AstrologyZone.com, you can add that to the list of my negative qualities!), last weekend I would "face reality" and I would hear "criticism that hurts my feelings and that may deflate my confidence"!
Well, what do you know? That is exactly what happened!! - Thank you Susan for the head's up!
Projection of Perfection
You know those Instagram accounts with all of those perfectly posed photographs? The ones with crossed legs, on crisp white bedding, and a "flatlay" of a mug of coffee beside 4 perfectly placed tangerines, a notebook and a bottle of perfume??
Do you know what I think when I see them?
"Who the hell is doing this? You're not actually going to drink your coffee and then have a tangerine, that is disgusting!" It's a fake scenario, to portray a fake life. But if marketing has taught me anything, it's that people would rather see perfection than reality.....and that's my problem. I just can't put in the effort to portray a scene, when I would rather share my high fibre cookies, with my watered down espresso in my kitchen that is NEVER clean, and my socks with the pink and purple checkers that are neither cool nor attractive! That is reality, but it won't get me 450 likes!!
Making Money
I don't know how many of you realize how bloggers make money. There are a few different ways. One way is by earning a percentage of a sale through affiliate marketing. Basically, if you click on a link on my blog that takes you to a shopping site, and you end up buying something, I *may* earn a commission. Now....I say *may* because this is easier said than done! A whole range of conditions must be met in order for this type of commission to be paid out, such as your cookies (browser history) must show that you've NEVER visited that same site within 30 days, so basically the chance of me actually earning the sale are very slim! Now I've made money like this....but we're not talking gold here!
Another way is through sponsored posts. A company pays me to talk about their products or services in an article. I try to put a lot of effort into these posts so they aren't boring. I know my readers WANT me to survive as a blogger, so a part of me feels as though there is no problem in accepting sponsored posts, but on the flip side I feel an enormous responsibility to make sure that post is worth reading.
This is YOUR time and MINE after all.
You came here, to say hello, I should at least make it worth your while.
This post is a little random. I just need to get some things off my chest as I move into 2016 and I am forced with the decision of either "making money" and "making it" as a blogger or continuing to block myself and hold myself back, because deep down I never really got over the days when I was a teenage reject/rebel/semi-punk/non-conformist and the idea of "selling out" still bothers me.
I would rather be a nerd than be popular.
I would rather go to the thrift store and buy a 2 euro dress, than own ANYTHING by Michael Kors.
I don't need a brand name in order to love my clothes
and I have always felt more comfortable in the company of outsiders than in the company of the socially accepted.
I am the most socially active, fun-loving loner you will ever meet.
It's Time to Decide
This weekend my husband said I should stop blogging about mom fashion and mom/ life issues because no one really cares. He said, it makes no sense for me to post a visit to luxury car manufacturer on Instagram if the next pictures will be about baking cookies with my son.
Is that true?
He said I should focus on fashion, but at the same time he hates taking my picture....and I hate asking him to take my picture, combing my hair and smiling....This is a no-win situation!
He said I should choose an argument and just stick with it. Either Fashion or Travel or Life - but not all three! Besides, travel is a selfish act in itself. I drag my son everywhere and maybe I should just plan fewer trips and activities and clean the washroom more often!
*Sigh* I once read a caption on a mug in a Museum gift store, it said:
"A Clean House Is The Sign Of An Empty Life"
- consider this my life moto!
Let's Give It a Try
I've been making a living off of this blog and I think that is scary. Usually, when I am faced with even mild success I take a step back instead of moving forward. Some call it the "Imposter Syndrome", meaning you don't feel you deserve your accolades. I don't know if that's what it is in my case. I think it's more of a "Fear of Becoming An Imposter" syndrome.
I don't want to sacrifice who I really am in order to make money.
I don't want to filter to the point where I can no longer recognize myself.
I don't want to put on lipstick because it makes my lips feel sticky.
I wrote a letter to my long time reader Erin yesterday (by the way Erin, if you're reading this, there is a little package in the mail for you and I hope it gets to Illinois before Christmas...but considering the Italian postal service I'm not going to hold my breath....but it's out there!!!).
Erin is like my blogging Karma buddy whether she realizes it or not. She represents a symbol of who I am speaking to when I write. She loves Italy and European culture and she's interested in what daily life here is like. She dresses well and loves beautiful things but isn't rich and she's not afraid to admit it. She's a mom, but her whole life doesn't revolve around "being a mom", and she doesn't blog but reads blogs because she's interested.
She found me.... just like Ginette, Mary, Carrie, Vona, Rodrigo, Lisa, Annmarie, Silvia, Angele .....and all of the other people who have connected with me and reached out to encourage me and share their own story.
As I was saying...I wrote a letter to Erin, it was almost an apology because I don't know what 2016 will hold. I want to launch my own brand of accessories, I want to earn a living as a blogger and get back into creating a lot of community and I want to "make it" - but I just don't want to be fake....and I'm still not sure how I'm going to do this.
If you notice changes happening, don't hesitate to call me out on them, I can seriously handle the criticism!!
Actually, thank you for caring!
And cheers to confessions, they feel really, really good!
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