DNS.
For those new to running acronyms DNS is Did Not Start and it hurts. It is tough. No matter what the reason.
For the most part I was doing pretty good flying with dear hubby and darling daughter, going to O'ahu knowing I wouldn't be running. I still felt the peace of my decision even through the packet pick up and walking through the EXPO with dear hubby. I felt the peace waking up early to run a mile before he headed to the start. I felt the peace heading out with darling daughter to watch the elites and wait for dear hubby to pass us before mile 6 or so. I felt the peace racing with darling daughter to beat the Kenyans to the finish line. Our race was much shorter coming from breakfast. I even felt the peace watching runners come in and waiting for dear hubby clapping and cheering until my hands stung but still persisted for the runners in the final stretch.
But then the peace left. Darling daughter was getting antsy and dear hubby expressed he would be perfectly fine with us leaving and letting him be. I felt deflated because all I had was the ability to be the supportive spouse and cheerleader. I would love to say I let it go but I have a very hard time with that.
I tried to let it go at the lagoon in the water looking for shells. But the hurt was there and the silence was killing me and I headed back to the room and let darling daughter play more with dear hubby. I thought some peace and quiet would heal my soul and then the doors of despair broke open with my flood of tears. I didn't race and as much as I still felt I wasn't suppose to, it is really hard not seeing the reason. And no, I never expected to know why but yet I still cried until my head ached and struggled with my wants. I wanted dear hubby to be understanding and give me a hug and say, I understand how you feel. I was there last year. I understand. It is okay to be sad. DNS is hard to swallow under any circumstances. It is okay.
None of that happened and all in all, it is a learning lesson for me. I can't think of what I want but what is best for all and yes, this applies even in circumstances when I am feeling grumpy and gloomy due to a DNS for a race that in all reality is just a race.
But the trip wasn't all doom and gloom and stay tuned for some fun trip updates later!
Love and hugs to all the DNS'ers out there. I feel your pain. It is okay to be sad. Go ahead and cry. I am there for you.
Daily Gratitude: I am thankful I got to do one outside run on O'ahu and see whales.
Daily Bible Verse: When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. ~ Psalm 34:17-20
