I am away for most of the day to visit friends and attend the AGM of my theater club. The Aussie Joke Factory has been in full production and here are not one, not two, but three 'funnies' to help you start the week - er, they do help, don't they?
Morris Schwartz is dying and is on his deathbed. He is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings
downtown".
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she
says to the wife, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."
Sarah replies, "Property ......the schmuck had a newspaper route."
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The Male Life Cycle
(1) When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big
tits.
(2) When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion,
so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
(3) In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything
was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened
suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
(4) When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was
totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull
that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
(5) When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad
impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun
initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl
with some real ambition.
(6) When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced
me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.
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Two paddies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to
the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a
hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they
were doing. So he asked the hole digger, " I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it: why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again? "
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, " Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.
