Humor Magazine

Dave Said "bloody", Well, He's Passionate, See!

By Davidduff

If Dave was auditioning for one of my Shakespeare productions which are still spoken of in hushed whispers, er, very hushed, he might, just, be given the role of Spear Carrier #3 judged by his pathetic 'amdram' audition yesterday when he attempted to, you know, like, really-really sound passionate about, you know, things.  To be fair, I only saw a brief excerpt because for once the 'do-flicker-thingie' was to hand and I hit the 'Off' button in record time.  Even so, I saw enough to confirm what we all know, that David Cameron is an exceedingly dull if fairly decent cove with frightfully well-meaning ideas none of which are really thought through with analytical rigor but which, if they will never lead to heaven will at least avoid total hell.  In other words, he's a very decent, if boring, English chap!

Alas, yesterday he succumbed to all those advisors and critics who insisted that he needed to show the GBP that he was, well, you know, awfully excited by, well, whatever . . .  So, not satisfied with removing his jacket, rolling up his sleeves, frowning fiercely, sucking in his upper lip and pouting forward with his lower, he uttered the word "bloody"!  There, that'll show 'em!  Well, no, sorry, darling, but somehow you missed that inner motivation we actors always strive for.  It came out with all the authenticity of a nine bob note!

Oddly enough, in a way, I'm glad.  Yes, I know that I have often called for Cameron to show us some of his core beliefs, his ideology, if you like but, frankly, if you do not have any beyond just paddling the boat of state towards what seem like the calmest waters you can see, then I would prefer him not to pretend.  I mean, there's nothing more embarrassing than watching a really awful amateur actor emoting all over the stage - as many of my souvenir videos will confirm!


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