This blog, priding itself on its blatant racism, offered you some Jewish jokes last week. Today we widen our aim and offer you some Jock jokes. Actually, these are not racist jokes because the proprietor of this blog is half Jock himself - and that's his excuse and he's sticking to it! Anyway, I hope these cheer you up as you face another week at the coal-face:
Jock & Jimmy were walking along a street in London. Jock looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye. The sign read,
"Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair".
Jock said to his pal, "Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of these and when we get back to Scotland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think we are cheap Scotsmen and try to screw us. I'll put on my best London accent".
"OK Jock, I'll keep me mouth shut" said Jimmy
They go in and Jock said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load them on, old chap!
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Scotland, aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised Jock. "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners........" !
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Old Tam, who had lost all his teeth, had a visit from the minister who noted that Tam had a bowl of almonds.
"My brother gave me those, but I don't want them, you can have them" said Old Tam.
The minister tucked into them and the said "That was a funny present to give a man with no teeth."
To which Old Tam replied "Not really, they had chocolate on them......"
