Humor Magazine

Your Monday Funny: 4.03.13

By Davidduff

I didn't have a joke ready for this morning - actually, I'm pretty hopeless at jokes, I forget them within seconds of being told them - but Andra saved the day with this one which did make me laugh so I hope it cheers up all you wage slaves at work this morning:

Sex On Mars
The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough
Frequent Flier miles.   They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.
Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how
they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.
The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'
A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the
night and experience one another... Maureen and the male Martian go off to a
bedroom where the Martian strips... He's got only a teeny, weenie member about
half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.
'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen...
'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'
'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'
'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively
'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'
'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member
grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the
'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.
The next day the couples re-join their other partners and go their separate
ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?'
'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'
'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache ... She kept slapping
my forehead and pulling my ears.'


I should have finished reading all my e-mails before posting because here's another from Andra - but not to be read during your 'elevensies'!:

A duded-up city rider walks into a seedy tavern
in Sturgis, SD. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his
arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider
bravely asks the old biker, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'
The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup
and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'
Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides
the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly
down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The
sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the
The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'

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