Here are a couple Jewish ‘funnies’ to start your week. They come from a review in this week’s Spectator by Jonathan Mirsky of Michael Winner’s Christmas offering, the Hymie Joke Book. Mirsky was underwhelmed with Winner’s book but he retells a few of the best ones:
Abe goes to confession and tells the priest that he picked up two college girls and took them to a motel where he had sex with each of them three times. The priest asked if he was sorry for his sin. Abe says, “What sin?” The priest says, “What kind of Catholic are you?” Abe tells him he is Jewish. “Then why are you telling me all this?” asks the priest. “I’m 92 years old,” says Abe, “and I’m telling everybody.”
............................................................................................................................
Hymie is walking through Soho. A voice comes from a doorway. “Hello, darling, would you sleep with me for £100?” Hymie pauses before replying, “I’m not really tired but I could do with the money.”
There you are, two for the price of one, my life already!
ADDITIONAL: Here's another one sent in by 'Herod' which deserves a place up here rather than being hidden in the 'Comments'. I must confess that I do not normally associate the name of 'Herod' with good jokes but this is a corker:
Hymie was praying.
He said "God, the lottery has been going for years and I've never won even £10. Its not fair. Old Goldberg down the road has won lots of times, but I've never come near"
God replied, "Hymie, give me a break! At least buy a ticket!"
ADDITIONAL ADDITIONAL: Here's another one too good to hide in the 'Comments' from my old e-pal, Dom:
Hymie goes to confession at a local Catholic school and says, "Father, I've been having wild sex with one of the girls here".
Priest: Was it that slut Mary Katherine?
Hymie: No father.
Priest: Was it that harlot Mary Patricia?
Hymie: No father.
Priest: Was it that piece of trash Mary Elizabeth?
Hymie: No father. I have to go now.
Outside, Hymie meets up with his brother Irwin. "Okay, I have three good names."
Thanks, Dom!
