You don't really deserve any 'Funnies' today because I guess most of you bunked off work using 'the storm' as an excuse and today you are all idling away at home telling the boss that, honestly, you really are working and not watching re-runs of the Chelsea/Man City match! Even so, I cannot deny the generosity of my heart:
Village Chemist Shop
A young woman started work in the Village chemist shop, she was
very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling condoms.
"Look" he said "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they either ask for a 310 (small); a 320 (medium); or a 330 (large). The word condom is never mentioned".
The first day was fine, but on the second day a black guy came
into the shop, put out his hand and said "350" please.
The girl panicked. She phoned the Chemist on his mobile, and told
him of her predicament.
"Go back in and check if he has a bucket hanging between his
legs" her boss told her.
She peeped through the door, and saw the bucket hanging between
the guy's legs.
"Yes!!" she shouted down the phone "he's got one
hanging there!!"
The boss replied "Well, go back in there and give him £3.50
.....he's the window cleaner.
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TRIPLE DOSE
A man went the doctor's office to ask for a triple dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a triple dose.
'Why not?' asked the man.
'Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor.
'But I need it really bad,' said the man.
'Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor.
The man said, 'My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday, and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I've got to have a triple dose.'
The doctor finally relented saying, 'All right, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.'
On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself into the doctor's office..his right arm in a sling.
The doctor asked, 'Good gawd! What happened to you?'
The man said, 'No one showed up.'
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An Engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there,
accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says: "So, how are things in Hell?"
Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
"What!" God exclaims: "You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me."
"Not a chance," Satan replies: "I like having an engineer on the
staff, and I'm keeping him!"
God insists: "Send him back or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?"
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There you are, an extra one because the 'Australian Joke Factory' has been on overtime recently. Now switch that telly off and get back to work!
