Don't panic, here are your Funnies, late I know but what with making and serving breakfast, starting the clothes washer, running round with the hoover . . . honestly, a husband's work is never done!
A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted.
She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot.
"No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the
man said, "I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of
having a mask on my face suffocates me!
The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections
to taking a pill. "No," he says, "I'm fine with pills."
So the dentist gave him two little blue pills and he swallowed
them. "What are those?" he asked.
"Viagra," she replied.
"I'll be damned," said the patient, "I didn't know Viagra worked
as a pain killer."
"It doesn't," said the dentist, "But it will give you something to
hold on to when I pull your tooth."
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I got a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said: “Remove cap and push up bottom.”
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely.
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A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he's doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blond women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all Blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...pathetically all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells:
"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap."
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Right, that's it, now back to some dusting and polishing . . .
