My first 'Funny' this morning comes with a health warning!
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
Where do they go?
Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
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Yeeeeeeees quite, sorry about that one, try this for size and bearing in mind its post script you will not have too much difficulty guessing where it came from!
After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they
couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him
that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the
problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a
large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his
ear and count to 10.
The husband said to the doctor, "B'Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy
in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my
ear is going to help me with my problem."
"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can
up to his ear and began to count:
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in New Zealand and Tasmania!
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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first [American] football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo?
It's only 25 cents!!!!"
