Economists at the World Bank ( and that's a joke before I even begin!) have issued a warning that there has been a sudden and inexplicable drop in output in the last three weeks. The reason, of course, is simple - there have been no Monday Funnies to cheer up all you wage slaves and galvanise you into action! However, the return of your sun-bronzed Jokester-in-Chief now means that all is well and I shall expect an immediate leap in output.
A good Hassidic family is very concerned that their 30-year old son is not married. They call a marriage broker and ask him if he can find their son a good wife. He goes to their house and spends a long time asking questions of the parents and their son as to what they're looking for in a wife/daughter-in-law. They give him a long shopping list of requirements and the broker departs to find a suitable girl. Later he revisits the family and says he has found a girl.
He tells them she is the right age for their son, she keeps a Glatt Kosher home, she regularly attends synagogue and knows the prayers by heart and she's a wonderfu cook. She loves children and wants a large family. And, to top it off, she's gorgeous.
The family get very excited and start planning the wedding but the son hesitates and asks the broker quietly, "Is she also good in bed?"
The broker replies, "Some say yes, some say no . . . "
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
A wife wakes up suddenly during the night and realises her husband is not beside her. She goes downstairs and finds him at the kitchen table staring into a coffee cup and wiping a tear from his eye.
"What's the matter, dear?' she asks him, "What are you doing down here?"
The husband looks up from his coffee and says, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only sixteen?"
"Yes I do," she replied.
"And do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember that," she replied.
"And do you remember when he shoved his shotgun in my face and said either you marry my daughter or I'll have you arrested and sent to jail for twenty years?"
"Yes, I remember that, too."
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "Well, today I would have gotten out!"
There you go, well worth the wait, don't you think? Sorry, did you say something . . . ?
