Definitely a bit arctic this morning so all you wage slaves probably need cheering up - especially after the gloom 'n' doom of my previous post!
Moshe was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig and says menacingly,
"Thanks Jew Boy, whatcha going to do about it?"
Moshe burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying. What's your problem?"
"This is the worst day of my life," Moshe says. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the postman then my dog bit me. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink; drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?”
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered,
'Is that one word or two?'
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
We are all reaching that stage where we need to keep the wax out of our ears and keep the hearing aids tuned up . . . .
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grandpa, what is a couple sex?"
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question then she's old enough to get a straight answer.
Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.
Seeing the look on her face the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"
The little girl replied, "Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs."
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;
And one more because I'm feeling generous today:
Police Officer George Chunkath with his duty partner, woman Police Officer Mary Chacko, along with their police dog, had been assigned to walk a beat.
They had been out only a short time when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning I forgot to put on my panties! It's so uncomfortable without my panties. We have to go back to the station to get them."
"We don't have to go back," George replied. "Just give the dog one sniff between your legs, and he'll go fetch them for you."
"Mary lifted her skirt for the dog. After ten seconds of sniffing, the dog took off towards the station house.
Twenty minutes later they heard sirens. Suddenly the dog rounded the corner with a dozen police cars in pursuit - and the superintendent's balls in his mouth!
Right, back to work, the boss is coming . . .
