Yes, yes, you might have to make a 20 mile detour to avoid the floods but you can never do enough for a good boss so get going! Hopefully these will cheer you up - marginally - when you arrive!
On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snow ploughs can get through. "
So the good wife went out and moved the car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through. "
The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs can get through?"
Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied,
"Why don't you just leave the bl**dy car in the garage this time."
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Two blokes in their mid-twenties were chatting while sitting at a bar.
One of them says to his companion, "Mate you look bloody exhausted."
His friend says, "Mate I am exhausted my girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."
An old boy sitting a couple of stools down had over-heard the conversation. He looked at the two young men and with the wisdom of years said,
"Marry her. That'll put a stop to that ."
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A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence" the farmer said. "This is a special day for me. I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," said the
woman.
''What a coincidence!" said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today, my
gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence!" said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer
and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today, they are all laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" said the woman, "How did your chickens become
fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, "What a coincidence"
