You wage slaves need cheering up this morning as you fight your way into work through gale force winds and horizontal rain. Don't think us retirees aren't frightfully grateful for your efforts! I begin with an office joke that might be a little close for comfort to some of you:
A Delicate Corporate Matter
All of the ten senior members of the Board of Directors of the company were called into the chairman's office one by one until only Bob, the junior member, was left sitting outside.
Finally it was his turn to be summoned. He entered the office to find the chairman and the ten other directors seated around a table. He was invited to join them, which he did.
As soon as he had sat down the chairman turned to Bob looking him squarely in the eye, and with a sternvoice, asked, “Have you ever had sex with Mrs. Foyt, my secretary?”
“Oh, no sir, positively not!” Bob replied.
“Are you absolutely sure?” asked the chairman.
“Honest, I’ve never been close enough to even touch her!”
“You’d swear to that?”
“Yes, I swear I’ve never had sex with Mrs. Foyt anytime, anywhere.”
“Good, then you fire her !!!”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Sorry, more blatant blondism:
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid So, she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her
husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy
parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks
her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she
replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are
dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She
replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it
said...
(You'll love this...)
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
And this is even worse, a blonde from Arkansas joke!
Three women go down to Mexico to celebrate college graduation.
They get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to discover that they are to
be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they
did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked
if she has any last words. She says: "I just graduated from Trinity
Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on
the behalf of the innocent.." They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for
forgiveness and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I
just graduated from the University of Western Ontario School of Law, and
I believe in the power of Justice to intervene on the behalf of the
innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they
all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness, and released
her.
The last one, a blonde (you knew it), is strapped in and says: "Well,
I'm from Arkansas and just graduated from the University of Arkansas with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
There, that cheered you all up, didn't it? Sorry, didn't quite catch that . . .
