Body, Mind, Spirit Magazine

Worship Wednesday: Reader Testimony

By Asullivan @asullivan85

​I recently announced that you now have an influential voice here at Feeding My Temple. I have shared my testimony with you and the whole world. Now it's your turn.

Wednesdays are reserved for you and what you have to say about your faith. Want to join in? Just fill out this form and you will be added to the calendar! 

Worship Wednesday: Reader Testimony
There is no doubt that God has always been present in my life. 
He has never failed me. He has never left my side. But I can't say that I have always been aware of Him or acknowledged His presence in my life. 
I grew up in a Christian family. My mother is one of the most Godly women on the planet, and she made sure that my siblings and I were in church each Sunday. I was involved in the children's ministry as a child, and I was involved in the youth ministry as a teenager. I probably gave much more thought to God while participating in the children's ministry than I did when I was a youth, though. As a teenager I went my own way. I marched to the beat of my own drum. Some would even probably tell you that it was an extremely loud and rebellious drum. (Definitely not one of those bongo drums.) I refer to my teenage years as my "stupid years," because I made a lot of stupid choices. I was the girl who thought that my identity was found in some boy. I had to have a boyfriend at all times, and if I didn't have one, I wasn't quite sure of what to do with myself. I went to whatever lengths necessary to keep a boyfriend. If he liked rock music, then I liked it too. If he liked country music, then I welcomed the sound of Randy Jackson and Tim McGraw blaring from my radio. If he liked a certain style, then my attire reflected his style. If he didn't like some of my friends, then I would (sadly) ignore them. Yep, I was "little girl lost." I had no idea at the time, that that void I was so desperately trying to fill in my life with some boy, was only going to be filled with Jesus. 
During my senior year in high school, I got involved with an older guy who opend up a whole other world to me. He was cool (so I thought). He had already graduated. He had a car. He was old enough to buy alcohol. He could buy me cigarettes. And he also peeked my interest in the drug world. I had never dabbled in drugs until then. I started out smoking a little pot, and thought there was no harm in it. I mean, it's a natural herb, right? Once I had gotten hooked on it, though, I wanted more. I had to try other things (ecstacy, perscription pills, and other things). I can say that I never snorted or shot up anything, but that doesn't mean that I wasn't on a downward spiral. The guy liked doing these things, and I liked the guy, so why not do them too. It wasn't until I married (same guy), and decided that I wanted to be a mother, that I quit everything. No more alcohol, no more cigarettes, and no more drugs. I wanted to have a "clean" body to carry a child. And a year later, my baby girl was born. She brought so much joy into my life. She was perfect. Jesus was still missing from my life though. He was there, I mean. I just didn't acknowledge Him. I worked in the nursery at my church (yes, I still attended church even through all my stupidity), and wasn't doing all the things that I once did. I thought I was living right. I was still that "little girl lost" though. My marriage was crumbling. My daughter was not even a year old yet when I found out I was pregnant again. I was not happy at first. I mean, I had a baby still in diapers. As I started warming up to the reality of having another baby, I was awakened in the middle of the night to terrible pains. I was spotting and cramping. I called the night line at the doctor's office, and the doctor told me that I was miscarrying. He told me that there was nothing he could really do, but if I wanted to come into the ER I could. I ended up calling my Mother to come pick me up and take me to the ER. My then husband showed up later. It was one of the worst experiences in my life. After losing the baby, my world was just crushed. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want company. I didn't want to do anything. I built up walls and shut everyone out. My marriage was horrible, and now I had lost a baby. I felt I was living in a hopeless world. 
One day as I was home alone and crying my eyes out, I crawled back to my bedroom and cried out to God asking, "Why? Why me?" I felt God speak to me, "Why not?" It was a moment where God was getting my attention. This was the beginning of God drawing me back to Him, and me being aware of His presence in my life. I saw the need for Jesus in my life. I gave my life fully to Christ, and began living out the Christian faith. My marriage wasn't any better. It had actually grown worse. We argued all the time. I felt that I was myself everywhere but in my home. I had my new found faith and dove into spending time with Jesus. I became Youth Minister, and even began answering the call into ministry that I felt God had placed on my life. 
But despite all the good going on in my life, my marriage was no place that I wanted to be. We eventually divorced, and I have since remarried. I am married to a wonderful Godly man now who loves the Lord with an amazing love. He loves me as Christ loves the church, and I love him more and more each day. God has shown me amazing mercy, grace, and love. He has been by my side during my darkest times, and He has been by my side in my most joyous times. Never once did He turn His back on me, and He never will. I am forever thankful for his forever faithfulness. I can gladly and confidently say that I am no longer the "little girl lost." I have been set free, and given a love and hope like no other. 
*If you are struggling in an abusive marriage, or with an addiction, I would be honored to pray for you. Don't give up. Rescue is coming.

-Jaclyn T.​

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