Once upon a time, I used to get asked for my story a fair bit...about how I lost 50lbs and ran a marathon (3-4 years ago). And then I gained back 40lbs and people stopped asking. For the past year, I have struggled - not only with that unhealing fracture, but also with my weight. Last winter alone, I gained almost 20 of those pounds and the time has come to actually do something about it all.
Funny thing is that I knew what I was doing. That I was enjoying the junk food I was shoveling into my mouth. I was enjoying taking seconds at dinner. I liked sitting on the couch and nibbling my way through a bag of chips...or candies. I REALLY liked my pilgrimages to the cafe at work for that XL latte everyday. I'm not an idiot - I KNOW how I got here. I'm not looking back saying "It was just yesterday I was skinny!" I just figured when I recommitted, I knew what to do to make it budge.
That's the magic word right there "WHEN". I pretended to start a few times. I thought I could use my injury as time to refocus my energies in this way. I didn't count on the depression and exasperation that would follow that injury and thwart my efforts. I just count myself lucky that I kept the gain in check for those six months while I healed. But muscle loss isn't a maintenance strategy.
This week, I took a pretty daunting step for me. I don't like to ask for help. I like to be the one who figures it all out. The one who benchmarks her own success. I don't like to NEED anything.
But I DO need help. So, I signed up for Weight Watchers online. Three months to kickstart some successes. I chose the online program because my life is NOT conducive to meetings and public weigh ins. But it is enough to hold me a bit more accountable. At $85 for 3 months, I actually thought it was a fairly reasonable price to pay. If I don't feel it's working, and I've given it my best, then I won't continue with it. But for now, I plan to get my money's worth.
I'm on day two and am feeling pretty strong. I'm also using the opportunity to clean up my family meals and introduce some new veggies to my kids. Thus far, they aren't complaining...in fact I believe they loved their reintroduction to roasted sweet potatoes last night...at least that's what the lack of leftovers for my lunch today told me.
I am also using this as a chance to break away from daily weigh ins. Somehow when I bought my fitbit scale, I became addicted to the instant charts. So I would weigh in every day to chart my fluctuations and the only benefit that came of that was that I got to watch the graph line climb. Not much of a benefit...
But September is a fresh slate. I am feeling better, both about myself and my mental state. I get to start running again. I am cleaning up my eating. I'm planning for success. My journey is continuing. I just need concentrate on one step...on one day...at a time...and it won't take long.
