Humor Magazine

Why Would the 'Euros' Bother to Do a Deal with Dave?

By Davidduff

Golly-gosh, the disappointment on hearing that Dave's big speech - no, really, I mean, like, really BIG speech - on Europe has been postponed was, well, barely discernible!  However, it gives us time to do what very few of the denizens of the Westminster village do which is to look at it from the point of view of Berlin-Brussels.  Just imagine - oh, go on, give it a try - that you were 'Mr. Rumpoy-Pumpoy' and you knew that Dave was on his way to renegotiate the British agreement with the European Union, what would be your re-action?  Probably, to issue forth a stream of profanities because it's not as though you haven't at least a dozen other seriously huge problems needing your attention without some smoothy-chops, Old Etonian twit coming over and adding to them!

However, given that he is unlikely to be put off how would you deal with him?  Well, first of all you would work out what his plan is.  Clearly, from what he has already let slip, he intends to negotiate a new deal to be ready to display proudly to the British public just in time for the next election with an absolutely, definitely, word of honour, cast-plastic guarantee that the British people will be offered a referendum on it after his party is re-elected.  So, the first and obvious thing to do is kick the negotiations as far as possible, not just into the long grass, but better still into the forest!  As the election date draws closer, Dave will become increasingly desperate to take something - anything, really - back to his voters, so his resolve will gradually weaken.

But then you - still playing the part of 'Mr. Rompoy-Pompoy' - might ask yourself exactly what the chances are of Dave actually winning the next election?  No need of hugely expensive - and mostly useless - pollsters, simply go to Bet Fred, or Paddy Power, or any of the major bookies and they will tell you now that Dave's chances of winning are miniscule.  Possibly even Dave knows this in his heart which is why he carefully promises a referendum only after the next election.  So why not just leave him to kick his heels in your ante-room whilst you get on with more important and pressing matters?

And of course, one of the most pressing items on your agenda is your plan to drive Europe in exactly the opposite direction from that desired by Dave, that is, into even closer union than hitherto.  So tell your secretary to give him a sweetie if he bursts into tears!


Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

Paperblog Hot Topics