Humor Magazine

Why I Shall Never Walk up the Aisle with a Gay!

By Davidduff

No, no, not just because the 'Memsahib' would cripple me for life, and anyway, I was talking metaphorically.  I cannot support all this agitation - and 'agitation' is exactly what it is - from a miniscule portion of the population bent - no pun intended - on changing 2,000 years of Christian sacrements.  After all, I am a conservative - with the smallest 'c' you have ever seen - Oi! I do the jokes round here! - and on the whole, outside of 'swottery', I am predisposed in favour of things remaining pretty much the way they always have been, and if they have been that way for about 2,000 years then that settles it!  Of course, if the churches take a decision, properly under their own regulations, to change then so be it.  But it is not the business of government to stomp its clumsy way into the minefield between a man and his god.

I was (and still am) for many years a supporter of the idea that homosexuals (God, how I hate that word 'gay'!) should be provided with the means to conduct a civil ceremony in which their personal partnership could be attested to in public and signed and sealed under law.  Marriage is a means of civilising sex and if you wish to experience what life is like when this ancient custom is ignored, feel free to visit any of our large council estates where they rut like feral rats!  Thus, I am in favour of 'marriage' for one and all and irrespective of sexual tastes, but I am equally in favour of Christians conducting their ancient sacrements in the tried and tested ways they themselves have found to be best.

After all, it's their right - innit?!

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