Some Thoughts:
Yesterday, Blaine and I headed back out to his mom’s place. We took a thermos of coffee and two mugs with us – we were going to be there for a few hours and would need something to warm us up. The focus was mainly on the 100s of books Carolyn had. Last weekend, the kids and I went through the majority of them - deciding what to keep and donate. Blaine and I loaded up the cars with a 2nd barrister bookcase she owned, books and a few other miscellaneous items. There is still a lot to do yet but I feel like we made a bigger dent this trip.
Each time I go back there, I come away feeling more at peace. I found two diaries that Carolyn kept that gave me a better understanding of some issues we had had with her in the past few years. If I had known, would things have been different between us? It is the question I have been asking myself since discovering them.
Carolyn and I shared a passion for alternative health - homeopathy and naturopathy. When we lived in Orlando, she would drive down from Charlotte to attend classes held for homeopaths. I loved the conversations we had after she came back from the sessions. We could talk for hours on the subject. She bought me my first Homeopathic Materia Medica and Repertory that I still use to this day.
What I had discovered, in the diaries, was she was doing exactly what was warned not to do and that is over-remedy yourself or others in order to allow time to find the cause of an illness. It is called peeling off the layers of the onion and getting to the root of the problem. Pages and pages of entries showed the different remedies she had taken and within a few weeks and sometimes days of one another. If you know nothing about homeopathy, this would be the same thing as taking several different prescriptions without waiting to see if one worked or not before taking another. She and I had had discussions on this very thing and the effects it can have on you and yet…she was doing it.
I don’t blame her for this. I think she believed in something so much and wanted desperately to prove herself to be right.
That…that was the root of some of the issues we had with one another and that she had with others as well.
Now I choose to remember the wonderful times we had together. The hours we would spend on the phone talking about gardening, homeopathy, kids and all the things you talk about with a friend.
This morning I was watching an interview Oprah was doing with Elie Wiesel, Holocaust survivor and a favorite author of mine, on OWN (Super Soul Sunday). You can watch the interview here. There are very few authors that I connect with but this man has a way of touching your heart in such a manner you have never experienced before. I think part of that is that his intentions are beautiful.
Okay. So being the typical southerner who goes around her elbow to get to her thumb is getting to her point. I promise.
If you get a chance, watch the interview above but also check out Inside Auschwitz. This was a show that Oprah did after the interview that had me sitting here in tears. Watching Elie Wiesel walk through Auschwitz with her and retell about his time there was so hard to see. He mentioned, in the Super Soul Sunday interview that, “To listen to a witness is to become one.” How true that is. Despite everything he went through, his anger was not like we might think. He turns it into something good. Elie has allowed his anger to become a voice for others.
We are all witnesses in some way or another. Whether it is something that has been done to us personally or to others. Do we try to make a difference in what we know? What voice do we use? And, is it forward moving?
Here’s to moving forward moving in all areas of our lives and the lives of others!
xo Cat
P.S. I say this but often need to be reminded of making “forward moving” comments vs. the negative alternative.
