Tips on Organizing a Bachelor Party

The original bachelor parties were thrown by a group of unmarried friends to give the poor soul about to be incarcerated a stipend of drinking money for the future when his new wife would make him account for every cent. Before the party ended, they nonetheless offered a toast in honor of the bride, and smashed their glasses so they would never be used for a toast of less import.

The best man now is responsible for throwing the bachelor party (usually with the ushers), but it does fall to the groom to dictate the sort of event he feels comfortable attending. Clichés abound that you’re supposed to take this one last shot at freedom to the extreme, making crude jokes about the female gender, playing air guitar in your skivvies, mooning passing cars, ogling strippers, swigging beer till you puke, or doing things your buddies may blackmail you with for the rest of your married life. Perhaps because women have made good on their threats to have equally raunchy bachelorette soirees, or because many men today have reached a higher state of consciousness, this kind of primal exhibition has become less popular.

Men have other options with which to send off one of their own — options that can actually be more fun. You may even invite your father and future father-in-law to join the fun and chronicle a PG-rated episode of male bonding on film or video to show the grandchildren — and you don’t have to hide any evidence or change any names to protect the innocent. Here are some possibilities:

Road trip: Take a train or rent a minivan and drive to a nearby city for a weekend of museums, galleries, movies, rock concerts, and junk food.

Team trek: Really take the plunge by jumping out of a plane together (take skydiving lessons the first day and a group dive the second day). Or go on a wilderness trek with an experienced guide over a long weekend. Or learn to cook a seven-course Chinese banquet, and then sit down to an extravagant table.

Tennis tourney: Participants are “seeded” and trophies are awarded during dinner at a clubby restaurant.

Waiting until the night before your wedding to have a bachelor party is risky (unless you like the idea of getting married while utterly exhausted), but having your bash any earlier is a problem when ushers and other close friends are coming from out of town. An alternative is to have the bachelor party the day of the wedding — a softball game and barbecue, a golf outing ending with a club lunch, or a treasure hunt of the town, ending at a great brunch spot. These activities are also a terrific antidote to the groom’s wedding day anxiety attacks.