Post-work relaxation sounds like it’s something that might be easy, or at least should be quite simple, but unfortunately it’s not. That’s the reason why so many people suffer stress-related sicknesses; find it hard to unwind; face sleep deprivation and insomnia; allow their health and relationships to suffer; and turn to negative habit patterns as a way of release.
I’ve found that the way the body and mind naturally relaxes is with time. The very thing that most of us lack.
Often I hear people talking about the fact that when they go on holidays, it takes about a week to properly unwind because the body and mind is so used to being wound up and set in a rigid schedule. However, eventually most of us do relax given enough time, once the pressure and time-constraints are removed.
Does this mean that we’re destined to be relaxed only when we are given enough time to do so naturally - say, once or twice a year when we take a proper holiday from work? So, why is it that some people seem relaxed all (or most of) the time? Is it because they are less busy?
To all of the above questions – I don’t think so. At least, if we don’t find ways to relax outside of our bi-annual holidays, or however frequently we take them, then we are destined to suffer over the long-term. I personally don’t accept this, and I believe there is another way.
Firstly, we need to want to relax. This may sound strange – I mean, who doesn’t want to relax? I’ve realised that early on in my career, I actually didn’t want to relax because I thought there was always something else to think about, something that I needed to do or work through mentally. Whether it be about work, or in my own personal life, there always seemed to be something that I had to do. I couldn’t just let go, and what’s more, I didn’t really want to. Of course, I didn’t really think that through as far at the time, but in retrospect I know that it’s the case.
Once you know that you want to relax, it’s about finding ways to get there. For example, finding tricks to get better organised so that you’re not worrying into the night about things that are left undone from earlier in the day. I’ve written previously about simple habits to streamline a busy work day, and about creating happier work days. It’s also about finding activities that will enable you to relax, and taking the time to do them.
Here’s my three essential after-work relaxation techniques.
1. Create a positive post-work buffer and routine
Unless I’m heading out or doing something different that night, I find having a decision-free post-work regimen works really well for me and helps me to snap out of work mode and into an at-home headspace. It’s generally the same: check the mail, switch on all of the essential lights and shut the blinds, feed the kitten and play, unload the dishwasher, put the clothes away and finally, shower and get changed.The whole process takes about 30 minutes and by the end of it, I am well and truly out of work mode.
It’s also gotten most of the mundane house jobs out of the way so my evening is freed up to do anything else that I need or want to do. This also, and more importantly, frees up any remaining mental clutter from the day by getting the essentials out of the way before I even attempt to unwind – it’s one less thing to think about!
If you have a family at home (not just one other!) you might like to change this up by actually getting out of the house and going for a run, or hitting the gym. Any type of buffer and standard, decision-free routine will work well here. The trick is to get into a different headspace, yet not have to work at it.
2. Do something for you, that you look forward to in the evenings
If you have something to look forward to, your time will be perceived as much more valuable in your own mind. Remember, it’s the little things that make a difference in life! Make the activity that you look forward to a positive habit, as opposed to one that you don’t want to reinforce as a reward rather than a treat (like eating ice-cream or drinking wine – you probably don’t want to reinforce these types of things as a habit pattern by giving them to yourself as a reward at the end of the day. Not ideal, as these things are treats!).
I have tried rewarding myself with guilty pleasures in the past and it just made me feel worse in the long run, rather than more relaxed. Instead, give yourself guilt-free treats like taking a warm bath with uplifting music and a scented candle, or spending an hour to read a book, or talking on the phone to a friend for half an hour, or doing some writing. Whatever you enjoy, do that – but make sure you can get immersed in it because again, getting out of your own head is the key.
3. Fit time in your day – most days – for both exercise and silence
Even if you can’t manage it every single day, try to fit time into most days for exercise and silence. I believe meditation is fundamental to wellbeing and relaxation (I’ve written previously about the benefits) but I know that not everyone is on the same journey. Regardless of whether you are taking time to actually meditate, or just sitting in silence for a few minutes each day, it’s such a great way for your mind to, on its own, sort through the clutter of everything you have taken in that day. Because most of us don’t live in a monastery, thoughts are going to come up in any meditation practice – it’s completely natural. The trick is to try and watch those thoughts from the sidelines, as an observer, and not allow yourself to be carried away emotionally by those thoughts. Realise that they are outside of who you fundamentally are; whether you are stressed and concerned about something, or deliriously happy, these are all just feelings and thoughts that you have given significance. These thoughts and emotions are separate to who you truly are.
I find that exercise invigorates, reduces stress and also is crucial to health and wellbeing. Equally, stillness is important for the mind to recalibrate. We all take in so many experiences, thoughts, opinions, learnings and energy fields of others on a daily basis that our minds can be left reeling, whether we’re aware of it or not. Meditation and stillness is a way for the mind to work through all of this, in order to be left in a state of peace.
How do you relax after work?
