Humor Magazine

This is Why 'Jihadi John' Dribbles at the Mouth with Rage

By Davidduff

As I was driving to the swimming pool at 6.30 this morning - have I mentioned that I go five mornings a week? - Oh!  Right! Boring, am I?  Shan't say another word! - where was I?  Ah yes, I picked up a tiny item on the radio concerning two young (15 and 11) Pakistani girls from a poor background, neither of whom speak any English.  Through the miracles of modern communications they have become ardent fans of Justin Bieber, a young man who looks like a total tit but given that he is a multi-zillionaire and I'm not then it is hardly my place to be rude about him.

Justin Bieber Justin Bieber

Anyway, these two very young Muslim girls, apparently like most young girls everywhere outside of North Korea, absolutely love him and his songs - even though they do not speak a word of English.  By hard work they have learned the sounds by heart and, with a little help from Mum providing some sort of background noise, they recorded one of his songs and pasted it on a social media network.  It has, in the jargon of the day, 'gone viral'!  Zillions of hits around the world.  Suddenly they are nearly as 'starry' as their hero.

And there, in a nutshell, you have the motivation that drives 'Jihadi John' and his cohorts into murderous fury.  They know, deep down inside themselves, that a vacuous little twerp like Justin Bieber spells eventual doom for them, their regime, their masculine dominance over their women and, finally, their religion.  Yes, it's only a tiny example and of course the media would rather frighten you all with stories of equally daft female teenagers going off to be 'Jihadi John's' virgins of choice.  But hidden away in the privacy of millions of Muslim homes, young girls - and some boys, too - are tapping their feet to the likes of Justin Bieber and finding him much more interesting than the moaning, groaning, old Mullah down at the local mosque.

And that's what will eventually defeat fanatical Islam.


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