Humor Magazine

The Yanks Are Winning - HURRAH!

By Davidduff

Look, admit it, we Brits all enjoy taking an occasional poke at the Yanks.  Well, they're so damn big and they did push us off our global perch so we're entitled to take the occasional swing at them with our handbags even if the fact that they hardly notice is even more irritating!  However, deep down we are rather fond of them and we'd rather have them running things on the block than anyone else.  So, it is with genuine pleasure that I repeat A E-G's excellent news in today's Telegraph.  In the 'Great War' between Saudi and America over the future of oil supplies, the Yanks are winning hands down!  Those 'good ol' boy frackers' are fracking the pants of those Arabs!

Mr Tillerson [boss of Exxon Mobil] said shale producers are more agile than critics expected, which means that the price war will go on. "This is going to last for a while," he said, warning that any rallies are likely to prove false dawns.

The US "rig count" - suddenly the most-watched indicator in global energy - has fallen from 1,608 in October to 747 last week. Yet output has to continued to rise, stabilizing only over the past five weeks

It was assumed, not least by the Saudis, that allowing middle east oil to flow freely would drive the price down to a level which would bankrupt the 'frackers' who were operating on huge amounts of borrowed money.  Sorry, 'Ali Baba', but it ain't happenin'!  The 'frackers' are going from strength to strength.  The same thing happened with shale gas:

Mr Tillerson said this is more or less what happened in the sister market for US shale gas. In 2009, some 1,200 rigs produced 5.5bn cubic feet (bcf) of gas per day at a market price near $8.

Today the price is just $2.50. Nobody would have believed back then that the industry would continue boosting supply to 7.3 bcf, and be able to do so with just 280 rigs.

Oddly, and the irony is delicious, it is the Saudis who find themselves between an empty desert and an empty desert!  In order to support their corrupt regime, keep the 'proles' happy and re-arm their military as war with Iran looms, they have been forced to dip into their (considerable) reserves which are shrinking rapidly.

Of course, no sunny day is complete without a shower of shit and so I must report that one of the biggest casualties in the global oil industry will be North Sea oil.  In order to stop it collapsing entirely, the government - which ever government! - will have to slash taxes thus making an even bigger nonsense of their mendacious claims to spend money like a drunken sailor.  Still, there's one ray of sunshine across the North Sea as the rigs slowly rust away, it could happen just we hand the lot of it over to the 'Scots Nuts' as a sort of farewell present.  Well, they've been agitating for their 'fair share' for years so now they can have the lot and we can remind them that 100% of fuck all is, er, fuck all!  Too, too delicious!

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