Humor Magazine

The Sunday Rumble: 16.2.14

By Davidduff

Did Monty Python invent the Winter Olympics?  I ask because there is more than just a hint of 'the Ministry of Silly Walks' in some of the competitions going on in Sochi, many of which remain totally incomprehensible to me.  Mind you, I barely give them a glance as I pass to and fro through the kitchen so I don't have much time to stop and work them out.  Actually, I am thinking of suggesting to 'Dim Dave' an entirely new Olympic competition - the Underwater Olympics!  Of course, it would have to be staged here given that most of England is now underwater and it will be such fun to watch 'Dave' give the opening speech underwater with the strong possibility that he would drown!


Putin Pukes:Just sometimes this Olympic nonsense is worth it and yesterday was surely the highlight of the 'games' when the USA ice-hockey team beat the Russians under the glacial blue eyes of dear old 'Vlad the Impaler' - what's the Russian for 'pass the sick bag'?  Just to add a bucket of hot chilli sauce to Vlad's popcorn, one of the two referees was an American and they both disallowed a Russian goal.  Simply too, too delicious!


Sligo, sling your hook!First a translation for my foreign readers: Dame Julia Sligo is the head of our less-than dearly beloved Met Office, and 'sling your hook' is an old English slang phrase which roughly translates as 'eff off'!  Two days ago Dame Sligo opined that all this rainfall was probably due to climate change. Three months ago, in November, the Met Office of which she is the boss, forecast high pressure for the winter which was "likely to lead to drier-than-normal conditions across the country".  Yeeeees, quite!  Anyway, today, one of her own top experts in weather systems informed us all that the bad weather was due to the jet stream (no, me neither!) being stuck further south than usual and that this unusal situation was nothing to do with global warming.  Cue the 'Milipede' wading in (with water coming over his 'wellies') repeating Sligo's crapulata and warning that climate change was a matter of "national security".


More later . . .

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