Yes, indeed, dear reader, distraught is the word and I write that as Founder, President for Life and, so far, sole member of the (R)SPOT. 'Waddya mean, ya never hoid of it'?! Let me tell you that the (R)SPOT is a very distinguished organisation even if, or perhaps, especially as, I am the sole member. Allow me to roll out the full title - the (Royal) Society for the Preservation Of Ties. Of course, the 'royal' bit has to be in brackets until such time as Her Maj graces us with her favour but I reckon the first time she cops old Phil wandering about the palace without a necktie, he'll get a right royal bollocking and I'll get a knighthood!
However, today (R)SPOT is distraught because news has come through that Tie Rack is to close its remaining shops. This is a severe blow to us chaps who continue to uphold the tradition of gentlemen wearing a necktie - and it's no good The Sun or one of the other Fleet Street purveyers of filth and gossip sneaking round here to take a sneaky snap of me going about tie-less because I admit it! Yes, most of the time I do not wear a tie but that's only because none of my friends - cheapskates that they are - invite me to places where a tie would be required. Which is a real nuisance because I do enjoy wearing one. Not just that but also it puts me in touch with my feminine side as I ponce about for at least an hour trying to decide which tie is best and as I only have about 20 ties you can see how 'picky' I am.
Personally, I blame that leader of common - and I do mean 'common' - culture, Mr. Simon Cowell. No lady of taste and discernment would wish
to spend an evening looking at his hairy chest. I assume they spend most of their time gazing at his bulge, you know, the pocket where he keeps his enormously fat wallet! What? Jealous . . . moi? Anyway, next time you see a charity tin in aid of (R)SPOT drop a few quid in because I might be able to pick up a bargain or three at the Tie Rack closing down sale.
