Recently I have been thinking more and more about how to move past the pain of changing habits and into the happy zone beyond, where you are effortlessly living your new actions.
Having tried and failed many times in the past to change my habits, and succeeded probably just as many times, I recognize some of the key actions and mindsets around it.
Ultimately, the only thing that is holding you back from changing habits is yourself, so it’s about finding ways to get around your own mind blocks in order to formulate new patterns of thinking. These new thoughts enable you to happily act out new habits that serve you.
Let’s take a look and dive into the essential steps you can take to change your unwanted habits and build new, healthier ones that serve you.
ESSENTIAL STEPS TO CHANGING YOUR HABITS
1. Identify why you want your new habit.
So many times in the past, I’ve read that you should identify the reasons why you don’t want to do the habits that don’t serve you. I believe this isn’t that useful, because you already intrinsically know it. You know exactly why you don’t want to keep replaying your old habits. It’s because the old habits will take you to exactly the same place you’ve been a million times before. The exact place you don’t want to be. Otherwise, you wouldn’t want to change the habit.
Instead, it’s far more useful to look at the reasons why you want the new habits in your life. I will delve into this further in the exercise below.
2. Look at what you can replace the old habits with.
What we want to do is fill you up so that there is no empty space where the old habit was. For example, if you are used to having a glass of wine (or three!) after work and you would like to stop it, create a ritual around unwinding after work to replace the old one. This could be switching your exercise routine so you do it after work instead of in the morning, or taking a bath when you step in the door, or meditation, or spending time with friends. The possibilities are endless, but make sure it’s something you will look forward to doing and will relax you. If it’s relaxing you’re used to doing, and you need to get more active, create a routine around the new habit which will put you immediately into the zone.
For example, I have been trying to get into the habit of meditating daily rather than just sporadically. I found it useful to create a specific spot where I meditate, with a special cushion and headphones that I use for meditation. I make sure I am warm enough. When I’m in that spot,with the same feeling of warmth, and the same cushion and headphones, I am automatically snapped into the zone. There is nothing else for me to do, but meditate.
If you assume that you will simply be able to not do the old habit without replacing it with something desirable, you are tricking yourself because you will be left with an empty space which will likely eventually be filled again with the old habit.
Understand that your mind doesn’t LOVE change, so it will create resistance in the form of false “desire”. You will continue to want your old habit until the neural pathway is completely rewired. When you are creating change, you are constantly creating new neural pathways that become stronger the more they are used, like a muscle being flexed. Until it’s strong, you are likely to experience desire for the old habit – so the less mental space there is available for the old stuff, the better.
3. Do this exercise now to get started on the path to creating habit change.
Remember, reading this without acting upon it will not create change in your life. It’s your actions that create change – I am simply offering guidance and ideas for you to think about; drawing the change out of you through practice and experience.
Draw a line down a page with two columns: one being the habits you want to change, and the next column being the habits you want to replace the old ones with.
– Write down the habit/s you want to change. Try to focus on just one or two at a time. (Once you’ve mastered these effortlessly, you can move on to the next habits).
– Write down the new habits you want to master, that you are going to replace the old ones with.
– On the following page, list all of the good things about the new habits. What will these new habits bring you? What will they mean for your life?
– Next, write down what your life will look like once you are living your new habits. Be specific as to the sounds, smells, tastes, surroundings. How do you feel? What do your surroundings look like? Who is with you? What are you experiencing? Once it’s on paper, shut your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Imagine the scenario you have just written down vividly in your mind. Walk through the scenes of what your life looks like, once you have mastered these new habits. Congratulate yourself for getting there, as if you had already mastered the new habits.
Remember the feelings of your new habits whenever it gets tough.
4. When you experience resistance,here is what to do to remain strong.
Firstly, know that the desire will pass and there will be something better on the other side of that if you hold strong. Then, simply show up for the alternate path. Make it an automatic behavior. You will experience the same resistance at the start, but during or once the new habit is complete you will feel stronger and better than ever. (Now is a great time to revisit your list as to all the good things your new habits will bring you!).
Once you have flexed the muscle of your new habit enough times, it will become like an automatic reaction – completely ingrained, so that you don’t even have to think about it. That is the golden nugget of habit change that you want to get to!
How do you create habit change in your life? Did you find this article useful? I would love to hear from you – let me know in the comments below!
